"Have you ever realized that when you pray for the Holy Spirit that you are praying for the whole God head to take possession of you? Do you really understand this? Or have your prayers had a wrong motive? Were you expecting that Gd would do something in your heart but as for the rest of your activities, you must be free to do your own will? That would be a great mistake. The Holy Spirit must have full possession...what God commands and demands of us, He will Himself work within us" Andrew Murray
Remember when I posted about the Lord convicting me of laziness? Anyway- it's still in process. Honestly, I'm learning laziness isn't about me just getting up and doing something all day. It's my heart! that is the issue! I was looking through a journal from when I was in 10th grade (wow...January of 05!) and one of my youth pastors, Brian Weed, was teaching on Ecclesiastes on "idleness"- and I was really not idle at all in my life then- I was running so hard and so desperate for the Lord that I panicked if I did not have something to do (I didn't even know how to rest then!) So I'm sure this teaching meant nothing to me- but I'm just so glad I was a faithful notetaker than, because this verse struck me so hard last night-
Remember when I posted about the Lord convicting me of laziness? Anyway- it's still in process. Honestly, I'm learning laziness isn't about me just getting up and doing something all day. It's my heart! that is the issue! I was looking through a journal from when I was in 10th grade (wow...January of 05!) and one of my youth pastors, Brian Weed, was teaching on Ecclesiastes on "idleness"- and I was really not idle at all in my life then- I was running so hard and so desperate for the Lord that I panicked if I did not have something to do (I didn't even know how to rest then!) So I'm sure this teaching meant nothing to me- but I'm just so glad I was a faithful notetaker than, because this verse struck me so hard last night-
"The soul of a sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied" Proverbs 13:4
and wow did I see myself. It isn't just physical laziness- but spiritual laziness. If something is hard spiritually I honestly give up- but oh, how the Lord is teaching me about diligence- and spiritual discipline. I'm just not a disciplined person and I think part of it really was my upbringing- my house is a little insane- chaotic to say the least. 7 kids. crazy grandmom. crazy parents. crazy animals. But honestly- my parents disciplined me when I was a little, but slacked as I got older and more trustworthy- and honestly, it wasn't that I was bad, but when the going got tough- I quit- and my parents didn't push me to do my best or to push through hard things. And so it wasn't in my character in the first place, it wasn't something I learned growing up, and now I'm reaping the fruit of all of my undisciplined life. If I didn't feel like doing something, I didn't do it. But now I want to run hard after the Lord, to desire Him with my whole heart, but I'm not disciplined at all- and honestly, if I just give into my feelings all the time- I'm just going to fall short. And knowing Jesus is so worth running hard, giving all for...so I guess I'm going to have to take a leaf out of Paul's book- "But I discipline my body and keep it under control (Greek literally "I pummel my body and make is a slave"), lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:27
Anyway, I'm going to my favorite place today- The Camp at Old Mill And I'm so excited to be working with the Jr High girls. God's showing me more and more that He is so able to work in people's lives beyond what I could ever imagine. I just finished Joshua and I was reading about the tribes inheriting the land and Joseph's sons Ephraim and Manasseh's tribes came to Joshua to complain about their allotment because they only got a certain amount, but were supposed to conquer the rest and like- they were upset about the amount they got but Joshua said to them "You are a numerous people and have great power. You shall not have one allotment only, but the hill country shall be yours, for though it is a forest, you shall clear it and possess it to its furthest borders. For you shall drive out the Canaanites, though they have chariots of iron and though they are strong" Josh 17:17-18
You see, I struggle with how I was brought up in such a strong Christian home, have had incredible Bible teaching my whole life, incredible friends who love God, a Christian school and amazing pastors, the word of God in my language, both parents at home, have never really suffered- and I am following the Lord- but its been simple for me to do it.
Than I stand in front of a room of inner city urban youth who 12 out of 13 don't have a dad at home, have siblings from a million different parents, some have had sexual relations (most unwillingly), fear for their lives because of gangs and domestic violence, go to public schools, and who just have such a weak foundation for their lives- and I am supposed to tell them that they can follow hard after the Lord and not only follow Him- but are able to live Victorious Christian lives.
And I'm like Lord- this not only isn't fair, is it even possible?
But the Lord has been challenging me- don't I trust His ability? Don't I trust that He is totally able to work in these girl's lives? And He used those verses from Joshua to remind me- It's their choice. The tribes of Ephraim and Manasseh had all that they needed from the Lord to go and conquer the Canaanites. It was their choice to do it- and I forget if they eventually did go and do it (I know many of the tribes quit and didn't fight and let the Canaanites dwell among them and suffered for it for many many years)-
and the Lord reminded me of 2 Peter 1:3- "His Divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence"
We have everything we need to live godly lives. To live for His glory and excellence. He's set us up to victory- yeah, and a lot of times that means overcoming hard hard hard circumstances- mountains- valleys- impossible things in the world's eyes- but honestly God is so able. But will we choose it? Will we have faith in His ability?
Anyway- I should probably go check on grandmom! She's all cozied up with two million blankets because she was cold and wanted me to "cut her out and make cookies" (either she thinks she is a sugar cookie or she wants sugar cookies and I'm really not sure at this point)
