(my grandmom always says she is allergic to peanuts but she just doesn't like peanut butter because during the war they always fed it to her for nutrients!)

Wow...sorry for not updating, I guess I'm good at that! But I'll try to make it sound like I've been really busy so that I'll have an excuse for not updating, okay?

Let me go back a little because I've absolutely LOVED God's hand in this entire expedition. He is so faithful and good and the provider of all that I need, exactly when I need it, and I'm not just saying that because someone told me it, but because I've lived it.

So God's been dealing with me in the area of surrender. But He's been doing it for awhile now and I was getting a little squirmy because I really didn't want to surrender to the things He had asked me to do. But I was getting to this point where I was dry and His voice was getting so quiet and I just could not hear Him anymore and I just knew...I just knew it was my own fault. I had said "no" to Him so many times when He'd asked me to do something, that He was going to just wait and let me actually miss His voice and His leading and guiding until I was so sick of myself I decided to just do what He said...

Well anyway, fast forward to Wednesday April 7th, when I finally do just obey God in something He specifically called me to do. Why be vague? A couple years ago when my grandfather was dying I had written some nasty things about my aunts and cousins on this blog. My cousin read it read it I blew my testimony. It was horrible. I deleted the hurtful post, gave my cousin a quick apology, and then never mentioned or spoke of it again. And of course, I asked God to forgive me. He was faithful to forgive, but God had so much more for me in that situation and my pride was too hurt and I was too ashamed to even imagine Him wanting to bring that back up again...

but of course there was His still, small, constant voice speaking to me to contact my cousin and ask forgiveness and make reconciliation. Two years later, I still did not consider it even an option. Until I knew I just needed to obey God, so with the encouragement and accountability of a new, lovely friend, I wrote my cousin a little fb message just expressing what was going on in my life at that time, the fact that I was dealing with sin in my life then, and that I did not want my actions to reflect God, and how He was urging me to reconcile. I was so nervous, but filled with peace at the knowledge that this was totally His will.

And my cousin wrote back almost immediately that she had forgiven me long ago and barely remembers it, but the peace I felt after that was so huge. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, a burden I had placed and let lie there for two long years. And God knew that this was best, but of course I always forget that I follow a Loving God who does not want to harm me.

Immediately after that I let my friend know that I had obeyed God, thanked her for her prayers, and asked prayer for just the warfare I really felt was going to follow this act of obedience.

And what happened next I wouldn't call warfare, but a trial for sure, but a trial that I absolutely knew was in the hands of the Author and Perfecter of my faith, and the Author and Perfecter of my grandmom's faith. And So I went to church that night, leaving a hyper grandmom in the hands of a crazy family. The study that night was for me, for sure. It was the part when Jesus healed the invalid by the pool of Bethesda. And our youth pastor was just touching on when Jesus asked the man if he wanted to be healed, and the man just started making excuses for why he could not be healed- and I knew I did that all the time. I make excuses to the God of the universe, the Creator, Healer, Lover of my soul for why I cannot do something, when He's not asking me if "I" can do something, but if He can do something for me!

So anyhow, after the study I get the four texts I mentioned in the previous post, run up to the hospital and deal with the little old crazy lady with the broken hip, who I lovingly call Grandmom.

Anyway, she gets surgery the following Saturday morning, a full hip replacement, since she went a shattered the whole thing! But after she came up to her room we started to notice she was crooked to her left side.

And I was just thought she had a stiff neck and would try to lift it up. I didn't notice that her hands were also all curled up and stiff. Neither did the nursing staff, obviously, because they let her go to a rehab/ nursing home to begin rehab the following Wednesday. We had to pick a nursing home, which was a little stressful for me, but we just checked out two and God gave me no peace about one and full peace about the other and so we absolutely love the one she is at! Anyway, the therapists had a doctor look at her and figured she'd had a stroke about a week before (the date of the surgery) but it was just a small one she's not so crooked and she's progressing day by day. I'm best friends with all the nurses, janitors, therapists, and old people and I'll write about all of my adventures there in another not so long post.

see much better!!!

and here's her room and the shelf with pictures and plant i set up to make it more cheerful!