All right. I've realized lately that I don't need God in a lot of areas in my life. I mean, ultimately I NEED Him to live, move, breathe, walk, talk, sleep, think. But, I mean, in a lot of areas in my life I try to supply most of my needs myself. Like, I don't depend on God for things.

And I realized I have been ripping myself off from knowing God in the most incredible ways ever.
For example: Money.
You see, I have this magic plastic rectangle that supplies all of my needs financially. I don't have money to get food with friends. *swipe* Now I do. Why did I ever get a wretched credit card. I've been missing out on seeing God miraculously provide for me. I've been missing out on depending on Him. Seeking Him. Allowing Him to be the provider in my life. Its so lame. I've been missing out on seeking Him for His will in my life financially- allowing Him to lead and guide and direct what I buy, when I buy it, how I buy it. Ugh. I could have known God so much more for so many years if I hadn't filled out a stupid application for a magic fix all card. And how I've tried to be provider in so many other people's lives. So and so is struggling, so and so needs money to do such and such, so and so doesn't have money for dinner- don't worry, I have a credit card that fixes everything even though I don't actually have the money and actually am in debt from stupid school that I haven't even gone to for over a year. How God could have shown His glory, His power, His ability in that situation. Why do I rip off other people from allowing God to show Himself able to provide all of their needs...???
And oh how much sweeter its been to realize- all of my money is His. Everything I do should be His. To actually look to Him for provision for all of my needs- to know Him deeper because I actually do need Him.
To go to God, the fountain of Living Waters instead of these broken cisterns... (Jer. 2:13)
And the examples could go on in my life.

I got the book Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan  a couple days ago when I ordered my Bible off Amazon (free shipping- represent!!!) (p.s.- I had a gift card- thought I should add that in after the whole money rant up there...)
Anyway- ugh. Convicting. Challenging. Powerful. Please read it.

Oh how we've neglected the Holy Spirit in our lives...as individual believers, as the church body. How we've tried to minister to each other without Him, and how we even haven't tried to minister to each other without Him...How we've not known Him the way we can...experienced  God so much more.

"I don't believe God wants me (or any of His children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world's perspective, a way I know I can "manage."  I believe He is calling me-- and all of us-- to depend on Him for living in a way that cannot be mimicked or forged. He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He's given us." p. 142-3

We don't depend on God in our lives. We love being comfortable.

"I know that I tend to run from situations where i need God, and I think that is true of almost everyone of us. It is safer to avoid situations where we need God to come through than to stake it all on Him and risk God's silence" (p. 149)

"Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the "Helper" or "Comforter" Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience the Comforter is our lives are already comfortable?" (p. 107)
If you've read any of my posts you know  I struggle with that so much. But lately...the ways God has allowed me to know Him as I've finally let my fingers ease off the death grip I had on my life...I'm desiring to be more and more uncomfortable if only I can know Him more.
And as I know Him more, guess what, I'm getting more and more jealous for His glory. Jealous for HIS NAME TO BE LIFTED HIGH.
We've misrepresented God. I've misrepresented God. and it breaks my heart. I'm tired of it. We make Him look small. We make Him look unworthy of all of our lives. We make Him look so weak to the world. We don't love each other- we don't love the body of Christ. We don't love the lost. And we allow other religions, other gods to look stronger than our God. ugh.
I'm reading 1Kings...and I got the chapter 18 and how I desire vs. 39 in my life:
 And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, "The Lord, He is God; the Lord, He is God." 1 Kings 18:39


That's what I desire. For my life to be unexplainable- so extraordinary that people know that it can ONLY be God- that He is glorious, worthy to be known.
And I know that is not my life right now. A lot of my life can be explained, can be attributed to my own strength- oh how I want people to only see my life and know that all I am is because of God...


"Do you exhibit more kindness and faithfulness than the Mormons you know? Do you have more self control than your Muslim Friends? More peace than Buddhists? More joy than Atheists? If GOD truly lives in you, shouldn't you expect to be different from everyone else?" (p. 146)




I'll throw our one more book recommendation- but its a very rare find, but if you can find it- its a treasure- it's called The Names of God by Dr. William Allan Dean. It's literally a study on each of the names of God in scripture and its incredible. But it's from 1961 and like impossible to find- but I do have two copies at my house after searching the internet desperately...but if you somehow come across this book buy every copy. I love learning more about God Himself. His names. Who He is. He is Jehovah Jireh- the Lord my provider. He knows all my needs and will provide for them...
but will I let Him???