I thought waking up this morning would really be the hardest. Going to bed last night and imaging not waking up to anyone was just such a strange concept to me. But even now I honestly believe the prayers of the saints are carrying me. I'm crying this morning. But it's not because I'm depressed or full of sorrow about grandmom. I'm just overwhelmed at the revelation of what so many people have meant to me family on this journey. Looking at facebook comments and reading texts. It's been just a million little things the last four years that the Lord has used to keep me going. And then trying to write a couple facebook comments back- already got me losing it. I just feel so small in the middle of it all.
Like, how could I honestly even believe that I've done anything these last few years- when now I'm realizing each and every day it was the Lord. It was the Lord- and He used the people around me. My friends that would pray for me and who would visit grandmom and me and keep me focused. Who just wanted to meet her and treated her like a human. Who cherished her wish me. Friend's parents and men and women of the church who would encourage me every time they saw me and really truly pray for me. My pastors who would let me cry in their office about life or read my blog or pray for me or friends that would send letters at just the right time. A friend who photographed and interviewed this beautiful woman. Hospice workers who loved Jesus. Random women in the nursing home who loved Jesus (and then seeing her in the ER a year later and recieving letters of encouragement). Or people who have just been through it all before- who have recieved the Lord's comfort in those situations and who the Lord then uses to comfort me.
I'm literally overwhelmed at the beauty of this work of art the Lord has been doing behind the scenes these last few years. I feel like I've honestly only been looking a the backside of the cross stich (my grandmom would love me mentioning cross-stich on this blog!)- and now I'm finally seeing the whole product for the first time! It's honestly gorgeous!
And I wish words could thank you all enough.