A Life After Death

As I've mentioned, I go up to Coatesville, PA on Thursday afternoons to help with an afterschool club for the inner city youth. We bus them about ten minutes from the city to a place called The Camp at Old Mill,  started by a couple named Jack and Sue Crans and their family. Anyway, this ministry has been going on since before my time, but I seriously love this camp, this family and the other volunteers, and these kids. Anyway, I help with the jr high girls, but Mr. Jack teaches them. I've decided I get more out of these teaching than the girls do because seriously I am so blessed to sit under the teaching of this man of God who has given his whole life to serve God by serving the people of Coatesville.

Anyway, Mr. Jack recently took a trip to Angola Prison (really called Louisiana State Penitentiary) where, I think the statistic is that %85 of the men in there are there for life. What a sad, dark place that could be! But by the grace of God, a work has begun there and these men are presented the gospel of Jesus Christ. And also, these men have been given opportunities to serve the Lord and serve people through programs like Malachi Dad's and the hospice ministry (video below).

Mr. Jack met some of the men there, toured the entire facility, and came back to share with us and the girls about Compassion. Well go ahead and rip my heart out, Mr. Jack. First Mr. Jack asked us what compassion meant and the girls through out words like "feeling" and "love." And Mr. Jack shared with us the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) . He reminded us that feeling love for people wasn't enough- but it was putting that love into action that would make it compassion.  Than he showed us a video on the hospice ministry of Angola Prison.  Anyway, the inmates minister to the other inmates who are dying- changing their diapers, feeding them, washing them, sitting by their side while they take their last breath, and sharing the hope of the gospel.
What a picture. I can change my grandmom's diaper, no problem- but the diaper of a convicted murderer?  What an act of compassion! What an act of love! Anyway, I was challenged- I can say I love people- I can say I love the people of Philadelphia, I can say I love my church, I can say I love my family- but if I see a need, and am able to do something to satisfy that need and do nothing- than how is that showing the compassion, the love of Jesus Christ my Lord??? Convicting, challenging, and hopefully life changing...how I long to have Jesus' compassion for people. Jesus saw needs and did something about it. Jesus was surrounded by hoards of smelling dirty people who followed Him around all the time, and He loved them, spoke God's words to them, healed and ministered to them- even when He was tired and busy! Oh to be like Jesus...


On a totally random note- remember when I mentioned Dr. William Allan Dean's book The Names of God? Anyway, guess who signed the charter when The Camp at Old Mill was started????? Yes, W. A. Dean! woah, small world, eh?

So God's done like probably a million things in my life since I last updated- but everything is so scattered all over the place that I'll wait to update.

But since Grandmom almost died this weekend I figured I should post for posterity's sake:

This weekend has been a blur- super super busy.
 We got a surprise visit from my aunt (my mom's sister) and cousin from NJ Saturday morning and so at 8 am I was awoken to my mom saying my aunt was coming which meant I had to make grandmom, myself,  and my house presentable= speed cleaning. So grandmom was pretty good- we set her out on the couch and she actually read through sale adds and wanted to buy jewelry for herself for Valentines Day and she wanted her diamond ring on (which she doesn't wear anymore because her hands are all clenched from her stroke and arthritis).

Than Saturday night I had some of my cousins (on my dad's side) over for a Valentine's party since our parents were going over their friends house for a Valentine's dinner. We played Valentine's and Doran theme "Win, Lose, or Draw" (its like Pictionary), Telephone Pictionary (it's like whisper down the lane but with pictures and words), and (in honor of my 14 year old cousin) Pin the Heart on Justin Bieber. It was fun and we ate way to much food and laughed the night away (typical Doran party)!

Pin the heart on Justin Bieber!

Anyway, my cousin Rachelle, who is a nurse was down from the Poconos and spent the night. So the next morning I went to church but my family had brought my grandmom out to the kitchen to enjoy our company and eat the breakfast that my brother Jeremiah had thrown together (Dorans really like food- weekend breakfasts are tradition!)

So I left them all to go to third service at my church and after church was going to see the play that the highschool was putting on (The Mouse that Roared- a  hilarious political satire and romantic comedy!) with my friend Jenelle. We were walking to Wawa to get some lunch so our growling stomach's would not distract the cultured, theatre attending audience (though the smell of our jalapeno turkey wraps that we ate while watching surely did!) when my cell phone rings and I see that "Daddy-o" is calling-

The story goes- my grandmom was shoving into her mouth whatever my family put in front of her. When I had left that morning for church I had already fed her french toast and sausage. Apparently, as  my family continued to sit and eat leftovers from the Valentines Party, my grandmom went about eating Cupcakes and Chips. But you see, lately I've been feeding my grandmom pureed food because she forgets to chew and swallow her food and also is missing about 75% of her teeth.

Anyway, Rachelle and my dad move into the living room to talk, while my sister Hailey plays on her laptop at the dining room table with grandmom. Next thing you know my mom notices my grandmom conked out sleeping at the table, which is pretty normal. Hailey comments on how grandmom was "snoring" which we find out was actually "gurgling" because the poor woman was CHOKING!!!
Anyway, they wheel her into the living room and my cousin takes the pulse of this unresponsive 80 year old and my family tries to decide if she's just finally dying or what is going on. We have my grandmom on a self proclaimed "hospice" which is whatever we want it to be. We don't have any nurses or aides coming out to see her, never call the doctor, and avoid the hospital at all costs. So she's been doing good since last July. And we're basically like- when the Lord takes her He takes her and we're not trying to stretch out her life anymore. No heroic measures. Do not Resuscitate.

Anyway, her pulse was good, but she was turning blue so obviously something was going on. Had she had a heart attack? They call 911 and they sat her wheelchair up (they had reclined it to check her out) and she starts puking! Apparently she'd been choking or had like vomitted in her throat and like started asphyxiating! Anyway, once she puked they laid her on the floor and she got her color back and started coming back to herself. Actually, she wanted to eat more!
So they sent to ambulance away after they took her vital signs and grandmom lives another day!
And I also got to still see my play, eat lunch with my friend, and go out to sushi with my sister Hailey's friend and go prayer at church that night! Successful weekend, I would say.

Anyway, its so weird to think that I almost got a phone call that my grandmom had died. Literally, we were really close to losing her. Sometimes I'm like, Lord why do you keep her alive? And it stirs me on to take advantage of this season- God has given me a ton of time to spend with Him and pray during the day. I don't have to work right now. I can go to Coatesville on Thursdays and spend time praying with friends and working with Sr High and going to church like every night of the week. But my life is going to be like this forever and I want to take advantage of all God has for it while I'm in it. I don't want to waste this time!...but who knows maybe my grandmom really will live another 20-30 years like she says she will...I wouldn't put it past her!

All right. I've realized lately that I don't need God in a lot of areas in my life. I mean, ultimately I NEED Him to live, move, breathe, walk, talk, sleep, think. But, I mean, in a lot of areas in my life I try to supply most of my needs myself. Like, I don't depend on God for things.

And I realized I have been ripping myself off from knowing God in the most incredible ways ever.
For example: Money.
You see, I have this magic plastic rectangle that supplies all of my needs financially. I don't have money to get food with friends. *swipe* Now I do. Why did I ever get a wretched credit card. I've been missing out on seeing God miraculously provide for me. I've been missing out on depending on Him. Seeking Him. Allowing Him to be the provider in my life. Its so lame. I've been missing out on seeking Him for His will in my life financially- allowing Him to lead and guide and direct what I buy, when I buy it, how I buy it. Ugh. I could have known God so much more for so many years if I hadn't filled out a stupid application for a magic fix all card. And how I've tried to be provider in so many other people's lives. So and so is struggling, so and so needs money to do such and such, so and so doesn't have money for dinner- don't worry, I have a credit card that fixes everything even though I don't actually have the money and actually am in debt from stupid school that I haven't even gone to for over a year. How God could have shown His glory, His power, His ability in that situation. Why do I rip off other people from allowing God to show Himself able to provide all of their needs...???
And oh how much sweeter its been to realize- all of my money is His. Everything I do should be His. To actually look to Him for provision for all of my needs- to know Him deeper because I actually do need Him.
To go to God, the fountain of Living Waters instead of these broken cisterns... (Jer. 2:13)
And the examples could go on in my life.

I got the book Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan  a couple days ago when I ordered my Bible off Amazon (free shipping- represent!!!) (p.s.- I had a gift card- thought I should add that in after the whole money rant up there...)
Anyway- ugh. Convicting. Challenging. Powerful. Please read it.

Oh how we've neglected the Holy Spirit in our lives...as individual believers, as the church body. How we've tried to minister to each other without Him, and how we even haven't tried to minister to each other without Him...How we've not known Him the way we can...experienced  God so much more.

"I don't believe God wants me (or any of His children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world's perspective, a way I know I can "manage."  I believe He is calling me-- and all of us-- to depend on Him for living in a way that cannot be mimicked or forged. He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He's given us." p. 142-3

We don't depend on God in our lives. We love being comfortable.

"I know that I tend to run from situations where i need God, and I think that is true of almost everyone of us. It is safer to avoid situations where we need God to come through than to stake it all on Him and risk God's silence" (p. 149)

"Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the "Helper" or "Comforter" Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience the Comforter is our lives are already comfortable?" (p. 107)
If you've read any of my posts you know  I struggle with that so much. But lately...the ways God has allowed me to know Him as I've finally let my fingers ease off the death grip I had on my life...I'm desiring to be more and more uncomfortable if only I can know Him more.
And as I know Him more, guess what, I'm getting more and more jealous for His glory. Jealous for HIS NAME TO BE LIFTED HIGH.
We've misrepresented God. I've misrepresented God. and it breaks my heart. I'm tired of it. We make Him look small. We make Him look unworthy of all of our lives. We make Him look so weak to the world. We don't love each other- we don't love the body of Christ. We don't love the lost. And we allow other religions, other gods to look stronger than our God. ugh.
I'm reading 1Kings...and I got the chapter 18 and how I desire vs. 39 in my life:
 And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, "The Lord, He is God; the Lord, He is God." 1 Kings 18:39


That's what I desire. For my life to be unexplainable- so extraordinary that people know that it can ONLY be God- that He is glorious, worthy to be known.
And I know that is not my life right now. A lot of my life can be explained, can be attributed to my own strength- oh how I want people to only see my life and know that all I am is because of God...


"Do you exhibit more kindness and faithfulness than the Mormons you know? Do you have more self control than your Muslim Friends? More peace than Buddhists? More joy than Atheists? If GOD truly lives in you, shouldn't you expect to be different from everyone else?" (p. 146)




I'll throw our one more book recommendation- but its a very rare find, but if you can find it- its a treasure- it's called The Names of God by Dr. William Allan Dean. It's literally a study on each of the names of God in scripture and its incredible. But it's from 1961 and like impossible to find- but I do have two copies at my house after searching the internet desperately...but if you somehow come across this book buy every copy. I love learning more about God Himself. His names. Who He is. He is Jehovah Jireh- the Lord my provider. He knows all my needs and will provide for them...
but will I let Him???