Grieving is so weird. I don't know if it's all just amplified because I'm tired and really didn't get any down time this weekend, or if it's because I wasn't getting into the Word as much, but it's been really really hard lately. I can't believe it's actually how people said it would be- it just hits you out of nowhere. Pushing a cart of clothes at my job. Turning on the tv and seeing Wheel of Fortune on. Meeting my friend's German fiancee. Seeing my aunt I haven't seen since the funeral. Driving, eating, going to bed, waking up. But it's not the missing grandmom that is the hardest. It's this guilt. It hits me so hard. And I know it's not from the Lord. Anyway, last night I was at my church's young adult group Bible study and it was so hard for some odd reason (and I really do believe part of it is how tired I was yesterday), but I couldn't stop thinking about my grandmom being in pain and me not being able to do anything, or her mouth being dry, or her being hungry, or her laying in her wet diaper. And I felt so guilty. And I kept thinking I should ask someone to pray for me. But I just kept avoiding it and trying to talk myself through it. The irony was our study was about relationships and how God made us to need each other. And I was going to try to pull through this one alone. Anyway, I kept trying to meet new people and minister to other people- and I was just exhausted. And I was finishing up cleaning up the food when my sweet friend Chantale asked if we could pray. It was like a breath of fresh air to be asked that. I'm just so blessed how sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading this sweet sister is! Anyway, I told her what was going on (just about losing it talking to her and actually letting out what was going on) and then I even tried to ask her what I could pray for her for, but she just wanted to pray for me. The Lord knew I couldn't minister to anyone if I wasn't allowing myself to be ministered to. And the Lord just spoke to me that He is the God who sees- He sees my hurt and pain and all of it- and He sent a sister to be a vessel of His love for me. He loves me. I'm not worthy of an ounce or it. And yet He loves me and sees me and is so sweet to meet with me and draw near to me. What an amazing awesome God!
well, God is already doing exceedingly abundantly beyond anything I could have imagined...
I'm learning how small my faith really is...I don't expect that God will really do a great work in my day...but now that I'm literally watching Him do it, I kind of feel like Thomas when Jesus said to him "blessed are those who have not seen yet have believed" (John 20:29) and now I just want to expect Him to do even greater things-
my friend Carli shared this verse at our College and Career Girl's Bible study (which has WAY more girls than I imagined- or was ready for!) last night- Habakkuk 1:5 "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told"
ESL was just incredible tonight! I'm just blown away and I'm excited to see how God just brings His name glory! I'm expecting people to get saved. I'm expecting God to just declare who He is to these people. For His love and His Spirit to be manifest. I'm like so excited!!!
p.s. gmom came home the day after the ER visit, but than started coughing and wheezing and we were worried she was getting pneumonia, but we got her some breathing treatments going on and she's getting better! good news indeed!
I'm learning how small my faith really is...I don't expect that God will really do a great work in my day...but now that I'm literally watching Him do it, I kind of feel like Thomas when Jesus said to him "blessed are those who have not seen yet have believed" (John 20:29) and now I just want to expect Him to do even greater things-
my friend Carli shared this verse at our College and Career Girl's Bible study (which has WAY more girls than I imagined- or was ready for!) last night- Habakkuk 1:5 "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told"
ESL was just incredible tonight! I'm just blown away and I'm excited to see how God just brings His name glory! I'm expecting people to get saved. I'm expecting God to just declare who He is to these people. For His love and His Spirit to be manifest. I'm like so excited!!!
p.s. gmom came home the day after the ER visit, but than started coughing and wheezing and we were worried she was getting pneumonia, but we got her some breathing treatments going on and she's getting better! good news indeed!
today my Jersey friend Becky is coming from California (i guess she's my cali friend now) because Saturday we have a wedding for our friend Brianna! too much excitement I can't contain it.
So much has happened lately which is why I haven't posted- it's a little overwhelming but all good exciting things and I'll make a little skeleton outline and maybe flesh it out later for you all...
I. Our sr high group has started going door to door once a month in our neighborhood inviting highschoolers to church- pray
II. Our church is starting an ESL class (English to speakers of other languages) next Wednesday Night and yesterday my friend Sara and my sister April and I went down Bustleton Ave going into any foreign store or restaurant we found inviting people out- its sooo exciting! Literally, we met all Russians, which is really cool since I've always wanted to go to Russia (but the Lord just brought them here- perfect!)
Please pray!
III. Our college group is starting a new girls study/prayer/fellowship which will sometimes meet at my house
IV. we just had a missions conference at our church which was incredible with speakers like Poncho Juarez, Daniel Massieh, Matt Ellison, Bob Caldwell, Akson from the only Calvary Chapel in Zambia (who had never before left Africa!), Rafael from Spain, so many incredible men of God! (I'll link all these later probably!)
V. this is just all on top of regular C&C, sr high, small groups, church, family, grandmom, friends, weddings and showers!
VI. Summer plans- Coasteville missions trip, Surf Camp, Unspoken concert outreach, Senior High events, and more family, grandmom...
Its exciting- but the Lord has definitely spoken to me about clutter- All these are such great things and I'm like, all right Lord- it seems like I'm supposed to be a part of all these BUT He also showed me I'm cluttered- so I'm trying to cut our facebook and tv and anything else that is source I go to instead of the Lord for my strength, my supply, my life...
it's been refreshing to say the least.
anyway, check out Romans 8, yes the whole thing...the Lord truly ministered to me with it last night- and relooking at it this morning, vs. 34 was so sweet to me "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?..." (also vs. 35) Jesus Christ faced condemnation for me. He faced the judgement of God for me. He faced the separation of the love of God for me. The Father turned His face away and did not comfort Him. So that I would not have to face condemnation, judgement, separation from the love of God. Praise Him. Selah.
So much has happened lately which is why I haven't posted- it's a little overwhelming but all good exciting things and I'll make a little skeleton outline and maybe flesh it out later for you all...
I. Our sr high group has started going door to door once a month in our neighborhood inviting highschoolers to church- pray
II. Our church is starting an ESL class (English to speakers of other languages) next Wednesday Night and yesterday my friend Sara and my sister April and I went down Bustleton Ave going into any foreign store or restaurant we found inviting people out- its sooo exciting! Literally, we met all Russians, which is really cool since I've always wanted to go to Russia (but the Lord just brought them here- perfect!)
Please pray!
III. Our college group is starting a new girls study/prayer/fellowship which will sometimes meet at my house
IV. we just had a missions conference at our church which was incredible with speakers like Poncho Juarez, Daniel Massieh, Matt Ellison, Bob Caldwell, Akson from the only Calvary Chapel in Zambia (who had never before left Africa!), Rafael from Spain, so many incredible men of God! (I'll link all these later probably!)
V. this is just all on top of regular C&C, sr high, small groups, church, family, grandmom, friends, weddings and showers!
VI. Summer plans- Coasteville missions trip, Surf Camp, Unspoken concert outreach, Senior High events, and more family, grandmom...
Its exciting- but the Lord has definitely spoken to me about clutter- All these are such great things and I'm like, all right Lord- it seems like I'm supposed to be a part of all these BUT He also showed me I'm cluttered- so I'm trying to cut our facebook and tv and anything else that is source I go to instead of the Lord for my strength, my supply, my life...
it's been refreshing to say the least.
anyway, check out Romans 8, yes the whole thing...the Lord truly ministered to me with it last night- and relooking at it this morning, vs. 34 was so sweet to me "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?..." (also vs. 35) Jesus Christ faced condemnation for me. He faced the judgement of God for me. He faced the separation of the love of God for me. The Father turned His face away and did not comfort Him. So that I would not have to face condemnation, judgement, separation from the love of God. Praise Him. Selah.
Ouch.
God is so good.
And so merciful to me for not letting me sit in all of my ugliness, and failing, and immaturity. And I'm very thankful.
Sunday night prayer nights have been really good- in a very real way. Not in some feeling. Not in some weird emotion driven thing. In my real life I am seeing God work. In my heart. He's literally going straight to my heart and opening my eyes to all that I am not and all that He is and how incredible His grace is to me.
You see, I said this prayer three Sunday Nights ago...and it went like this "Lord search me and know my heart and see if there is any wicked way in me..."
Well guess what He did. He answered that prayer (do you ever pray and than instantly kind of me be like- um never mind Lord I didn't really mean to pray that if you were going to answer that!!!)
Well, I'm really genuinely glad He did answer that. But it has seriously been a constant wrestling with the Lord. I want my life to be my own, you see. I think that I have some right to it. That I actually own it or something crazy like that.
You see. When I prayed for revival- really I wanted God to take me and my friends and the pastors that I liked and to put us on some pedestal and to really just work in us and really it was just about my glory- um yikes. So wrong. And so not what God is doing. And so He's literally ripping that out of me. Humbling me. Changing my desires. Changing me.
I've been really struggling with my right to myself- I mean, my time was my time, right? And I mean, I had time for God in my life- but I'd sectioned it off for my convenience. He didn't seriously want all of my life right? Wasn't I giving Him enough of it- He had Monday nights, Wednesday nights, Thursday afternoons, Most Friday nights and sometimes Saturdays when I did ministry and a lot of Sunday and also part of everyday when I would spend some alone time with Him- but seriously, I literally would say to God, "during the day is my time, Lord" and I really was holding onto it. Did He really want my whole heart? My whole life?
But I struggled. Because I was scared. I was scared that He would really want me to run to Him for all of my satisfaction. I was scared He'd call me to actually give things up- tv? movies? books? what if He told me to stop completely- don't I have some right to myself????!!!!
Anyway, I'd wrestle and wrestle and wrestle with God.
Come Monday Night. I was very busy cleaning up after College and Career Coffee and Tea Ministry (basically my friend Sara and I serve coffee and baked goods to our college and career group) and my dear friend Chantale comes up to me while I'm carrying the pots back to the kitchen.
My friend Chantale was saved just a little over a year ago. November 2nd will be the anniversary of the day we met when she came to college and career and I met her and the Lord has used her to just remind so many of us of God's abilty to save the lost (she came from a completely secular background- and knew nothing about God or the Bible) and what it looks like to go from complete darkness to light.
Anyway, she is pretty nervous and fumbling a bit with her words so once we're in the kitchen I stop moving around so I can listen to her. She holding her Bible and finally is like "You know I struggle with knowing God's voice or not but for awhile now I've felt like I needed to talk to you" and she goes on to say that she's been reading through Thessalonians and whenever the word "Idleness" came up for some reason she thought of me and felt like God kept telling her to bring it up to me and she read me the verses in Thessalonions (which are actually very harsh)
Well go ahead Lord and cut me to the core and humble me all in one night, why don't you???
But honestly God is incredible.
At first I was like, what? And than the Lord just confirmed it to my heart.
Idleness. Laziness.
My sin- that is what it is. I wanted to call it some huge thing. I knew something between me and the Lord was wrong but I kept trying to find some big thing seeking God for what it was- when really- it was something very simple. Pure laziness.
Wow.
And the Lord knew I never could have recieved it from a different friend. Chantale seriously was so loving and humble and fearful in coming to be about it- and she loved me enough to do and loved the Lord enough to obey HIm and I'm so thankful.
And I feel like my eyes are open to how seriously WASTEFUL I have been with my days, with the way I've lived my life. How many hours have I spent watching tv in my grandmom's room and sleeping my mornings away and ugh it's just awful.
But my pride keeps trying to make it's ugly head pop up-
It's trying to make excuses for myself- oh it's awful- "Doesn't she know that I am Tiffany Doran- I take care of my grandmom"
And what- am I going to stand before God on the last day and say "I took care of my grandmom" when I have to account for my actions. What does that mean when taking care of grandmom accounts for literally only a fraction of my time- sure I have to be at home, but I spend so much time just sitting around doing NOTHING!!!!
The Lord has just encouraged me so much with Hebrews 12
He chastens me because He loves me. He's not going to let me stay this way. I'm so thankful.
" Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master, whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?
Never disregard a conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to you. If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to bring it to your mind, it is the very thing He is detecting in you. You were looking for some big thing to give up, while God is telling you of some tiny thing that must go. But behind that tiny thing lies the stronghold of obstinacy, and you say, “I will not give up my right to myself”— the very thing that God intends you to give up if you are to be a disciple of Jesus Christ."
My Utmost for His Highest- Oswald Chambers Sept 24th
"It is very easy to grieve the Spirit of God; we do it by despising the discipline of the Lord, or by becoming discouraged when He rebukes us. If our experience of being set apart from sin and being made holy through the process of sanctification is still very shallow, we tend to mistake the reality of God for something else. And when the Spirit of God gives us a sense of warning or restraint, we are apt to say mistakenly, “Oh, that must be from the devil.”
“Do not quench the Spirit” (1 Thessalonians 5:19), and do not despise Him when He says to you, in effect, “Don’t be blind on this point anymore— you are not as far along spiritually as you thought you were. Until now I have not been able to reveal this to you, but I’m revealing it to you right now.” When the Lord disciplines you like that, let Him have His way with you. Allow Him to put you into a right-standing relationship before God.
“. . . nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him.” We begin to pout, become irritated with God, and then say, “Oh well, I can’t help it. I prayed and things didn’t turn out right anyway. So I’m simply going to give up on everything.” Just think what would happen if we acted like this in any other area of our lives!
Am I fully prepared to allow God to grip me by His power and do a work in me that is truly worthy of Himself? Sanctification is not my idea of what I want God to do for me— sanctification is God’s idea of what He wants to do for me. But He has to get me into the state of mind and spirit where I will allow Him to sanctify me completely, whatever the cost (see 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)."
Oswald Chambers August 14th
There's something amazing about getting a new journal. I finally finished my one I bought before Speaker's Week in England and I was just dying to get a new one. That journal is filled with pages of some of the most painful moments of my life. Also some of the happiest. Some of the hardest. Some of the most cherished. I have three pages of Czech words written in Magdalena's handwriting telling me how to say everything from Jesus (pronounced Yezeesh) to Rasberry Fanta (Fanta Malinova) to Crime Scene Investigation (Tym Pro Zajistovani)- i know...random.
I have recipes copied from Andrea's cookbook when I was babysitting on Wednesday Nights for Maya and James. I have notes from every morning devotions and Sunday Morning study from Bible College and from College and Career and Sunday and Wednesdays since I've been home... and I have prayers that I've written of pouring out my heart before the Lord in praise and pouring out my heart in mourning and weeping and hurting and repenting.
I can follow throughout my journal the ups and downs of my prayer life. The failures. The victories. The faithlessness of my own heart. And the faithfulness of our Amazing God.
And strewn throughout are verse after verse of scriptures that got me through it all. And so here I will type many of them and send them out into cyberspace...His word never returns void. (now it's time for some Women's Discipleship recitation, eh??? Where's my good friend Brooklynn when you need her?)
Who art thou O Great Mountain, before Zerubabel you shall become a plain: and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shouting, crying, 'Grace, Grace, unto it' - Zechariah 4:7
Who have I in heaven, but Thee? And there is none on earth I desire beside Thee. My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from Thee. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all Thy works. -Psalm 73:25-28
I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go, I will guide thee with Mine eye. Be ye not as the horse or as the mule which hath no understanding, whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto Thee. Psalm 32:8-9
The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make His face to shine upon Thee, and be gracious to thee: the Lord lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. ANd they shall put My name upon the children of Israel and I will bless them. - Numbers 6:24-27
And He said, 'I am God, the God of thy Father, fear not to go down into Egypt, for there I will make of thee a great nation. And I will surely bring thee up again.' Genesis 46:3-4 (the significance of these verses for me was that God sent them Jacob and his family down into Egypt...and there they become slaves and suffered more than like any other nation...but God promised that He would bring them up again. It was all in His hand.)
She obeyed not the voice. She recieved not correction. She trusted not in the LORD. She drew not near to her God. Zech 3:2 (This verse is what I pray against for myself- my greatest fear would for this to be said of my life.)
And the LORD said unto Joshua, 'This day have I rolled the reproach of Egypt from off you.' -Josh. 5:9
Why have I found gracde in thine eyes that thou shouldest take knowlege of me, seeing I am a stranger?- Ruth 2:10
I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined unto me and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it and fear and shall trust in the Lord. Psalm 40: 1-3
Seek ye the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near: Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord and the Lord will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher thanthe earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.- Isaiah 55:6-9
And the king (David) said, "What have I to do with you, ye Sons of Zeriah? So let him curse because the LORD hath said unto him, 'Curse David,' who shall then say, 'Wherefore hast thou done so?' " 2 Samuel 16:10
( I love this verse because David is totally succumbed to the will of the Lord, not trying to defend himself because God's will is most important to him no matter what cost to himself or his name. He doesn't even question the Lord's will in it)
And in the eleventh year, int he month Bul, which is the eight month, was the house [the temple] finished throughout all the parts thereof and according to all the fashion of it.So was [Solomon] seven years in builiding it. But Solomon was building His own house thirteen years, and he finished all his house.- 1 Kings 6:30-7:1
And now, little children, abide in Him, that, when He shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. If ye know that He is righteous, ye know that everyone that doeth righteousness is born of Him. -1 John 2:28-29
And they shall call them, the holy people, the redeemed of the LORD: and thou shalt be called, Sought Out, a city not forsaken.- Isaiah 62:12
Ah, Lord, God! Behold thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for Thee: ~Jeremiah 32:12
I will very glady spend and be spent for you, though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. -2 Cor. 12:15
And Asa cried unto the Lord his God, and said, 'Lord, it is nothing with Thee to help, whether with many or with them that have no power; help us, O LORD our God, and we rest on Thee, and in Thy name we go against this multitude. O Lord, thou art God, let now man prevail against Thee' -2 Chronicles 14:11
Be ye strong, therefore, and let not your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded. -
2 Chronicles 15:7
And for this cause [God's name to be glorified] Hezekiah the king, and the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz, prayerd and cried unto heaven. -2 Chronicles 32:2
For thus saith the Lord God, 'Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep and seek them out.' Ezekiel 34:11
O LORD, we have waited for You, the desire of our soul is for Your Name and for the remembrance of You. -Isaiah 26:8
Then the moon will be disgraced and the sun ashamed for the LORD God of hosts will reign on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem before His elders gloriously.- Isaiah 24:23
Then I said, 'I will not make mention of Him, nor speak anymore in His name.' But His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back and could not. - Jeremiah 20:9
My peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you: Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.- John 14:27
Wherefore, seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud fo witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily, beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him that endured such contradction of sinners against himself, lest yet be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. - Hebrews 12:1-4
also...here are the lyrics which I repeatedly copied in my journal for the last year...
When I look into Your eyes, I see the love that died for me
When I look into Your eyes, I see the hope that I will be, a faithful child.
Following close behind
Following ever blinded to to, the things that should not move me.
I say unto my soul:
Fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus
When I look into Your eyes, I see the grief when I have sinned
When I look into Your eyes, I find delight when I have been a faithful child
I love that song...
I have recipes copied from Andrea's cookbook when I was babysitting on Wednesday Nights for Maya and James. I have notes from every morning devotions and Sunday Morning study from Bible College and from College and Career and Sunday and Wednesdays since I've been home... and I have prayers that I've written of pouring out my heart before the Lord in praise and pouring out my heart in mourning and weeping and hurting and repenting.
I can follow throughout my journal the ups and downs of my prayer life. The failures. The victories. The faithlessness of my own heart. And the faithfulness of our Amazing God.
And strewn throughout are verse after verse of scriptures that got me through it all. And so here I will type many of them and send them out into cyberspace...His word never returns void. (now it's time for some Women's Discipleship recitation, eh??? Where's my good friend Brooklynn when you need her?)
Who art thou O Great Mountain, before Zerubabel you shall become a plain: and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shouting, crying, 'Grace, Grace, unto it' - Zechariah 4:7
Who have I in heaven, but Thee? And there is none on earth I desire beside Thee. My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from Thee. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all Thy works. -Psalm 73:25-28
I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go, I will guide thee with Mine eye. Be ye not as the horse or as the mule which hath no understanding, whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto Thee. Psalm 32:8-9
The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make His face to shine upon Thee, and be gracious to thee: the Lord lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. ANd they shall put My name upon the children of Israel and I will bless them. - Numbers 6:24-27
And He said, 'I am God, the God of thy Father, fear not to go down into Egypt, for there I will make of thee a great nation. And I will surely bring thee up again.' Genesis 46:3-4 (the significance of these verses for me was that God sent them Jacob and his family down into Egypt...and there they become slaves and suffered more than like any other nation...but God promised that He would bring them up again. It was all in His hand.)
She obeyed not the voice. She recieved not correction. She trusted not in the LORD. She drew not near to her God. Zech 3:2 (This verse is what I pray against for myself- my greatest fear would for this to be said of my life.)
And the LORD said unto Joshua, 'This day have I rolled the reproach of Egypt from off you.' -Josh. 5:9
Why have I found gracde in thine eyes that thou shouldest take knowlege of me, seeing I am a stranger?- Ruth 2:10
I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined unto me and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it and fear and shall trust in the Lord. Psalm 40: 1-3
Seek ye the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near: Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord and the Lord will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher thanthe earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.- Isaiah 55:6-9
And the king (David) said, "What have I to do with you, ye Sons of Zeriah? So let him curse because the LORD hath said unto him, 'Curse David,' who shall then say, 'Wherefore hast thou done so?' " 2 Samuel 16:10
( I love this verse because David is totally succumbed to the will of the Lord, not trying to defend himself because God's will is most important to him no matter what cost to himself or his name. He doesn't even question the Lord's will in it)
And in the eleventh year, int he month Bul, which is the eight month, was the house [the temple] finished throughout all the parts thereof and according to all the fashion of it.So was [Solomon] seven years in builiding it. But Solomon was building His own house thirteen years, and he finished all his house.- 1 Kings 6:30-7:1
And now, little children, abide in Him, that, when He shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. If ye know that He is righteous, ye know that everyone that doeth righteousness is born of Him. -1 John 2:28-29
And they shall call them, the holy people, the redeemed of the LORD: and thou shalt be called, Sought Out, a city not forsaken.- Isaiah 62:12
Ah, Lord, God! Behold thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for Thee: ~Jeremiah 32:12
I will very glady spend and be spent for you, though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. -2 Cor. 12:15
And Asa cried unto the Lord his God, and said, 'Lord, it is nothing with Thee to help, whether with many or with them that have no power; help us, O LORD our God, and we rest on Thee, and in Thy name we go against this multitude. O Lord, thou art God, let now man prevail against Thee' -2 Chronicles 14:11
Be ye strong, therefore, and let not your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded. -
2 Chronicles 15:7
And for this cause [God's name to be glorified] Hezekiah the king, and the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz, prayerd and cried unto heaven. -2 Chronicles 32:2
For thus saith the Lord God, 'Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep and seek them out.' Ezekiel 34:11
O LORD, we have waited for You, the desire of our soul is for Your Name and for the remembrance of You. -Isaiah 26:8
Then the moon will be disgraced and the sun ashamed for the LORD God of hosts will reign on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem before His elders gloriously.- Isaiah 24:23
Then I said, 'I will not make mention of Him, nor speak anymore in His name.' But His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back and could not. - Jeremiah 20:9
My peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you: Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.- John 14:27
Wherefore, seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud fo witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily, beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him that endured such contradction of sinners against himself, lest yet be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. - Hebrews 12:1-4
also...here are the lyrics which I repeatedly copied in my journal for the last year...
When I look into Your eyes, I see the love that died for me
When I look into Your eyes, I see the hope that I will be, a faithful child.
Following close behind
Following ever blinded to to, the things that should not move me.
I say unto my soul:
Fix your eyes on Jesus
Fix your eyes on Jesus
When I look into Your eyes, I see the grief when I have sinned
When I look into Your eyes, I find delight when I have been a faithful child
I love that song...
My grandmom loves chocolate. That's one of the things I came to discover when I moved down with her. First off, we quickly discovered a hoard of chocolate in her closet in her room. My grandpop was a diabetic, so he certainly wasn't going to be helping her to eat all of it. And that hoard of chocolate disappeared a lot faster than you would expect chocolate to disappear from a 78 year old woman's closet, without the help of the seven grandkids.
And there can never be enough chocolate. The other week when my mom was watching her, my mom looked out front to see her with her cane and purse walking back down the street. She'd been on her way to CVS with her coupons, but realized it probably wasn't a very good idea. I've decided to start hiding the chocolate coupons before she can even see them so she won't yell at me to go to the store to get it everytime she has a coupon.
Now we always know when my grandmom has been eating chocolate. She gets this dark ring around her mouth and it took me a few weeks to finally figure out what it was- chocolate sticking to dry lips, whether from a calcium chew or her secret stash, we knew for certain it was the chocolate.
My grandmom's mouth is most certainly one of the hazard zones in our home. It skeebs me out to even think about it. Whether it's the hair around her lips (yes, the hair has grown back), the chocolate ring, or the other particles of food that have somehow found their way attatched to the dry skin, to say her mouth is gross is an understatement.
And so, I found myself in a bit of a dilemna last Wednesday when I found her and my neighbor (who is from Poland) sitting out on the sidewalk. I'd just gotten out of the shower and had blow dryed my hair when i went to check on my grandmom. I found her sitting in Mrs. Normi's lap at the bottom of the stairs out front. It was an odd sight to see these two elderly European women sitting on the sidewalk, and so I went on to investigate. It turned out Mrs. Normi (our God send) had seen my grandmom getting the mail from the mailbox and had come over the say hello (which she hadn't done in quite awhile). When she arrived at the front porch where my grandmom was standing, my grandmom passed out into her arms. And so this is where I come into the story. I try to quickly assess the situation and run across the street to get my neighbor Shirley who is a nurse. I knock calmly. I knock a little harder. I know she's probably sleeping because she's worked the last two nights, so I knock a little harder than before. I run back across the street and reassess the situation. I realize that my grandmom does not look like she is breathing, and looks very similar to a time before when she'd passed out at our dinner table. That time my dad had given her CPR. I did not want to have to do that. So I ran back across the street yelling for Shirley (even running inside their house- hey I was desperate- you haven't seen my grandmom's mouth!) And so this was all to no avail and I ran back across the street (I have no clue how long this all took but it felt like hours), and I told Mrs. Normi to call 9-11 and I began compressions followed by- yes- mouth to mouth. Yum. I guess sometimes you have to do things you just don't want to do. It was one of those times. And yes, my grandmom did begin to come back after that and after the 9-11 guy had me pinching her and elevating her feet.
Her first words? She needed to make a cream puff cake. She'll have a list of things to do until her dying day, I swear.
She's been home since Sunday. She had a blocked artery and has heart disease so they put her on a new medication. They said this may happen again without catherization (something we don't want to have to do). Oh, aren't I lucky? Yikes!
My dad and I have decided that God keeps sending me up to the hospital with her because I'm going to end up meeting some rich, godly, handsome doctor up there and fall in love. Well, it's needless to say, I now try to look my best whenever I go up to visit her. But I'm glad she's home now, and no, I didn't meet my future husband doctor yet, but there's still time.
But now I'm taking the weekend off and going camping- woo hoo!
