Our ESL classes are starting up today! Please please please pray for us! We're way more organized this time, but we honestly don't know what to expect with this next session (the Philadelphia libraries have cut funding for their classes so we may be getting a ton of people...) and one of our lead teachers can no longer help with the class. Thankfully we're recruiting some of the local Bible college students who are going to school for a degree in teaching ESL, so Lord willing that will be a huge help to us! Also our missions director caught a bug and is kind of down for the count today. Please lift us up- we want to share the love of Christ most of all and doesn't 1 Corinthians 13 talk about giving all our goods to feed the poor but if we don't have love than it profits nothing- and it can just be a big ugly noise too! Anyway, I'm learning that LOVE actually flows from God (1 John) and we cannot love truly without Him (and His love is shown in that He gave His Son- so His Love in us should produce gospel sharing!) Anyway...rambling- I need to actually go pray about ESL now so I'll update on how it went later!
Psalm 37
Trust in the LORD, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the LORD upholds his hand.
I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.
Well, I had another job offer yesterday. I feel like I literally wrote that post and next thing you know I'm getting a call from my old school (the school at my church) for a position. Anyway, I'm like so confused at this point. My dad just told me to wait for a month. Next thing you know my mom and him are calling me telling me to take the position- it would be perfect. And sure, of course I'd love playing at my old school/church all day. But...I just honestly don't feel like that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't for the life of me tell you what exactly that is, but I really didn't feel like that was it. Besides my dad had just told me not to accept any positions for a month. There's no reason my dad would tell me to do that. That's not like him at all. And it really didn't sound like him now that a few hours later he's practically denying he said it and telling me to take the position at Calvary.
Anyway, I talked it through with one of my pastors and a friend yesterday and went up to the school today and told them no.
So my first week home after seeking the Lord for what's next and I've turned down two perfect positions.
Yeah, I'm probably crazy.
But honestly, I don't know what the Lord is planning for these next few weeks, but it really seems like I'm supposed to keep waiting. It's not the most sane thing I've ever done, but it does seem clear. And like those verses said up there- The Lord never will forsake His children as they follow His commands.
(And on a side note: I'm not saying everyone should just not work and sit at home all day and pray and stuff. It's definitely Biblical to work and not be lazy. But I'm not being lazy- I'm in charge or housekeeping and cooking these days- and I am eventually going to work- or at least do something! haha)
So that's the latest development in the drama that is my life. I feel like a fool turning down these jobs, and maybe I am, but I do feel like the Lord is still saying wait.
In the mean time, besides being the maid of the Doran family, our ESL class is also restarting back up! So please pray- I'm super excited for this go round. We're way more organized and our curriculum looks good. So please pray for the Lord to provide laborers and the harvest! I truly saw His hand in leading this class and I'm excited for us to really rely on Him and seek Him and see Him work with this session. Tomorrow my friend Mariana and I are going to go pass out flyers for the class!
Sorry for the major lack of updating. Too busy living life, you know? And the busier I got the more unmotivated I became to update about it because I knew how long it would take...and now I'm forgetting everything I wanted to update about and don't even know where to begin...ha
So we'll start with Grandma, I guess, since this blog is half about her (and half about me!):
Well, we left off with grandma having gotten out of the hospital with a bladder infection, but than her lungs were sounding bad. As the week progressed, her lungs had ups and downs. We had home care coming out to see her and all that jazz, but she continued to just decline not only with her breathing but mentally also. She just was not communicating, kind of just making noises. But the trouble came when she decided to stop eating last weekend. She literally ate and drank nothing all weekend. Monday I called the home care office but they kept not calling back. So finally I knew it was time to call hospice. Deciding to call hospice was a lot more of an emotional experience than I imagined it would be. My mom cried talking about. I had teared up talking to our nurse about it. But when grandma stopped eating I knew we needed their help.
So hospice came out not last monday but the monday before and I mean, things aren't a ton different. She's eating again. We have nurses who come out and chaplains and I get enemas in the mail. I have an aide who helps me out a ton because I got another job recently.
Someone from church hired me to watch their mom three nights a week. She has Parkinson's and dementia. I lay in a bed next to her hospital bed, put my hand on her back, and say "do you feel me here" and then I get her drinks and put her on the commode whenever she needs to.
I'm tired lately.
But the aide is a huge help cause she comes the mornings after I work so I can sleep for a few hours and have peace of mind that grandma is changed and fed. And the aide is a sweetheart and seems like she genuinely cares about grandma.
Now I'm still doing all of the other things I mentioned.
ESL has been super interesting- not what I expected but awesome nonetheless. Our people have been super flaky: like one week it'll be a group of 14. the next week it will be a group of 10 with like only two people being the same as the week before. Really random. But we got a family coming out from Belarus. We invited their 16 year old daughter out to our Sr High event that was like a week-long in house retreat. She and her friend came out- they were pretty hyper and flirty but they sat through at least 8 Bible studies, opened up Bibles in English and Russian, and heard the gospel. And who knows what the Lord will do with that.
Also and girl from France who is in highschool came out to one of our Bible studies too, so that was encouraging.
Its been such a diverse class- China, Moldova, Belarus, Lithuania, Russia, Ukraine, France (originally from Benin, Africa), Yemen, Brazil and those are only the countries I'm listing off the top of my head. “Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." Hab. 1:5
And Girl's study has been great too. The same kind of deal- different people every week, but really sweet. Hebrews is awesome.
Next week is Coatesville- so not even ready for it at all. I'm going to the beach Thursday and just want to lay there and read my Bible and prepare my heart for next week. This summer is flying by!
That's another thing I'm learning. Be still. I'm really bad at that. I mean, laziness- I'm like an expert at laziness, but being still is so different than being lazy. Stillness is not really a passive thing. It does take discipline. Motivation. determination. things I'm really bad at. Mary and Martha.
I went camping this weekend (yes in the middle of a heat wave) and we were looking at Zechariah 7 where the Jews had instituted a fast that they did to mourn, but God hadn't instituted the fast. They the Lord said, "When you fasted and mourned in the fifth month and in the seventh, for these seventy years, was it for me that you fasted? 6 And when you eat and when you drink, do you not eat for yourselves and drink for yourselves?" (Zech 7:5-6) and I felt like He was asking me that about all the things that I'm doing. I'm busy. Really really busy. But why am I doing all of these things? What's my reason. And I know for the most part I'm not doing them as an outflow of my love for God, I'm not doing them to bring Him glory. I'm doing them for people, or because I'm "supposed to" or because I still have that legalistic tendency that somehow I can "earn" my relationship with God. But no, really the Lord is saying to me- "Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth." Psalm 46:10
He isn't telling me to stop doing everything I'm doing, at least I don't think. But I think I need to re-examine my motives. Cause seriously- what is any of this worth if it's not for the glory of God- if its not done from a pure heart? If I'm ignoring sitting at Jesus' feet to bake a tray of brownies for ESL or neglect reading His word so I can have a clean house for Girl's study. And I honestly don't have the strength to do all this stuff. I'm pulled like thirty ways and can hardly give myself to all of the things I'm called to. And how does that glorify God? How does that lift up His name? How does that draw me closer to Him.
I need Him. I need Him to bear any fruit in my life. I need Him to reach the lost. I need Him to even worship Him. I can't do any of it.
"Come to me all you who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am meek and lowly of heart."
Burning out in ministry does not glorify God. He's gloried in my weakness being made perfect in His strength. I want to learn of Him. And in that to draw near to Him. The goal= to know Him more and through that bring glory to His name. To truly worship Him.
He's so passionate about His name.
and with all that said- I'm leaving for coatesville tomorrow. please pray. i'm really tired. i want to glorify and know God more this week. I want to minister to our sr highers. I want to minister to our Coatesville kids. I want to do it in the Lord's strength through the power of the Holy Spirit.
p.s. just to prove how busy i am I started this on the 18th and am finally posting it today...ugh!
So we'll start with Grandma, I guess, since this blog is half about her (and half about me!):
Well, we left off with grandma having gotten out of the hospital with a bladder infection, but than her lungs were sounding bad. As the week progressed, her lungs had ups and downs. We had home care coming out to see her and all that jazz, but she continued to just decline not only with her breathing but mentally also. She just was not communicating, kind of just making noises. But the trouble came when she decided to stop eating last weekend. She literally ate and drank nothing all weekend. Monday I called the home care office but they kept not calling back. So finally I knew it was time to call hospice. Deciding to call hospice was a lot more of an emotional experience than I imagined it would be. My mom cried talking about. I had teared up talking to our nurse about it. But when grandma stopped eating I knew we needed their help.
So hospice came out not last monday but the monday before and I mean, things aren't a ton different. She's eating again. We have nurses who come out and chaplains and I get enemas in the mail. I have an aide who helps me out a ton because I got another job recently.
Someone from church hired me to watch their mom three nights a week. She has Parkinson's and dementia. I lay in a bed next to her hospital bed, put my hand on her back, and say "do you feel me here" and then I get her drinks and put her on the commode whenever she needs to.
I'm tired lately.
But the aide is a huge help cause she comes the mornings after I work so I can sleep for a few hours and have peace of mind that grandma is changed and fed. And the aide is a sweetheart and seems like she genuinely cares about grandma.
Now I'm still doing all of the other things I mentioned.
ESL has been super interesting- not what I expected but awesome nonetheless. Our people have been super flaky: like one week it'll be a group of 14. the next week it will be a group of 10 with like only two people being the same as the week before. Really random. But we got a family coming out from Belarus. We invited their 16 year old daughter out to our Sr High event that was like a week-long in house retreat. She and her friend came out- they were pretty hyper and flirty but they sat through at least 8 Bible studies, opened up Bibles in English and Russian, and heard the gospel. And who knows what the Lord will do with that.
Also and girl from France who is in highschool came out to one of our Bible studies too, so that was encouraging.
Its been such a diverse class- China, Moldova, Belarus, Lithuania, Russia, Ukraine, France (originally from Benin, Africa), Yemen, Brazil and those are only the countries I'm listing off the top of my head. “Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." Hab. 1:5
And Girl's study has been great too. The same kind of deal- different people every week, but really sweet. Hebrews is awesome.
Next week is Coatesville- so not even ready for it at all. I'm going to the beach Thursday and just want to lay there and read my Bible and prepare my heart for next week. This summer is flying by!
That's another thing I'm learning. Be still. I'm really bad at that. I mean, laziness- I'm like an expert at laziness, but being still is so different than being lazy. Stillness is not really a passive thing. It does take discipline. Motivation. determination. things I'm really bad at. Mary and Martha.
I went camping this weekend (yes in the middle of a heat wave) and we were looking at Zechariah 7 where the Jews had instituted a fast that they did to mourn, but God hadn't instituted the fast. They the Lord said, "When you fasted and mourned in the fifth month and in the seventh, for these seventy years, was it for me that you fasted? 6 And when you eat and when you drink, do you not eat for yourselves and drink for yourselves?" (Zech 7:5-6) and I felt like He was asking me that about all the things that I'm doing. I'm busy. Really really busy. But why am I doing all of these things? What's my reason. And I know for the most part I'm not doing them as an outflow of my love for God, I'm not doing them to bring Him glory. I'm doing them for people, or because I'm "supposed to" or because I still have that legalistic tendency that somehow I can "earn" my relationship with God. But no, really the Lord is saying to me- "Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth." Psalm 46:10
He isn't telling me to stop doing everything I'm doing, at least I don't think. But I think I need to re-examine my motives. Cause seriously- what is any of this worth if it's not for the glory of God- if its not done from a pure heart? If I'm ignoring sitting at Jesus' feet to bake a tray of brownies for ESL or neglect reading His word so I can have a clean house for Girl's study. And I honestly don't have the strength to do all this stuff. I'm pulled like thirty ways and can hardly give myself to all of the things I'm called to. And how does that glorify God? How does that lift up His name? How does that draw me closer to Him.
I need Him. I need Him to bear any fruit in my life. I need Him to reach the lost. I need Him to even worship Him. I can't do any of it.
"Come to me all you who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am meek and lowly of heart."
Burning out in ministry does not glorify God. He's gloried in my weakness being made perfect in His strength. I want to learn of Him. And in that to draw near to Him. The goal= to know Him more and through that bring glory to His name. To truly worship Him.
He's so passionate about His name.
and with all that said- I'm leaving for coatesville tomorrow. please pray. i'm really tired. i want to glorify and know God more this week. I want to minister to our sr highers. I want to minister to our Coatesville kids. I want to do it in the Lord's strength through the power of the Holy Spirit.
p.s. just to prove how busy i am I started this on the 18th and am finally posting it today...ugh!
well, God is already doing exceedingly abundantly beyond anything I could have imagined...
I'm learning how small my faith really is...I don't expect that God will really do a great work in my day...but now that I'm literally watching Him do it, I kind of feel like Thomas when Jesus said to him "blessed are those who have not seen yet have believed" (John 20:29) and now I just want to expect Him to do even greater things-
my friend Carli shared this verse at our College and Career Girl's Bible study (which has WAY more girls than I imagined- or was ready for!) last night- Habakkuk 1:5 "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told"
ESL was just incredible tonight! I'm just blown away and I'm excited to see how God just brings His name glory! I'm expecting people to get saved. I'm expecting God to just declare who He is to these people. For His love and His Spirit to be manifest. I'm like so excited!!!
p.s. gmom came home the day after the ER visit, but than started coughing and wheezing and we were worried she was getting pneumonia, but we got her some breathing treatments going on and she's getting better! good news indeed!
I'm learning how small my faith really is...I don't expect that God will really do a great work in my day...but now that I'm literally watching Him do it, I kind of feel like Thomas when Jesus said to him "blessed are those who have not seen yet have believed" (John 20:29) and now I just want to expect Him to do even greater things-
my friend Carli shared this verse at our College and Career Girl's Bible study (which has WAY more girls than I imagined- or was ready for!) last night- Habakkuk 1:5 "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told"
ESL was just incredible tonight! I'm just blown away and I'm excited to see how God just brings His name glory! I'm expecting people to get saved. I'm expecting God to just declare who He is to these people. For His love and His Spirit to be manifest. I'm like so excited!!!
p.s. gmom came home the day after the ER visit, but than started coughing and wheezing and we were worried she was getting pneumonia, but we got her some breathing treatments going on and she's getting better! good news indeed!
Well, we made it almost a year without any hospital visits...and we broke that streak today! And we broke it with the longest ER visit ever- over 8 hours...ugh! Anyway, we actually kind of planned our ER visit, if that makes any sense. You see, grandmom just hasn't been herself all month and I've been planning on just taking her up to the hospital to get her all checked out, and life finally slowed down enough for us to actually do that...so how do you call a non-emergency into 911...you just kind of make stuff up- which worked and I think everything we made up ended up being true-
Predictions- low sodium or bladder infection
Diagnosis- low sodium AND bladder infection. Her heart enzyme things were also up but that could have been because of her pacemaker...also her eye has been gooky and red all month so they're gonna check that out too!
so it ended up being a success, but it just took a long time to get her a room up there tonight.
Anyway- crazy ER story of the night. Around hour 4 I went out to use the bathroom. I come out and I see a patient in a bed in the hallway (they were super busy which equals patients in beds in hallways) and her husband next to her...Would you believe that it was my grandmom's neighbor in the nursing home from a year ago (that i mentioned here)????!!! Anyway, I'd really gotten to be friends with this elderly woman, ended up finding out she goes to church with one of my small groups girls, and we wrote back and forth until I lost her address last summer. (I had sent her a copy of some old German lullaby she'd been looking for that I found on the internet). So imagine my surprise when I walked out of the bathroom and saw her. I ran into our room and told my mom and than spied on them for the next few hours till they got their own room upstairs. Anyway, I didn't want to bother her while she was in the emergency room so I'm going to visit her tomorrow when I go up to see grandmom. I mean, what are the odds that they would both be in the same hospital, in the same ER room, in the same section of the ER ward, and in the same hallway??? There are no odds, and I wonder why the Lord has continued to cross our paths...we'll see.
Anyway, I'm wiped- I'll update later about ESL (but it literally went incredible!!! The Lord is sooo good!) and I'll update any new info about gmom later (she's already perked up a ton from the sodium and fluids they put in her- thankfully!)
Predictions- low sodium or bladder infection
Diagnosis- low sodium AND bladder infection. Her heart enzyme things were also up but that could have been because of her pacemaker...also her eye has been gooky and red all month so they're gonna check that out too!
so it ended up being a success, but it just took a long time to get her a room up there tonight.
Anyway- crazy ER story of the night. Around hour 4 I went out to use the bathroom. I come out and I see a patient in a bed in the hallway (they were super busy which equals patients in beds in hallways) and her husband next to her...Would you believe that it was my grandmom's neighbor in the nursing home from a year ago (that i mentioned here)????!!! Anyway, I'd really gotten to be friends with this elderly woman, ended up finding out she goes to church with one of my small groups girls, and we wrote back and forth until I lost her address last summer. (I had sent her a copy of some old German lullaby she'd been looking for that I found on the internet). So imagine my surprise when I walked out of the bathroom and saw her. I ran into our room and told my mom and than spied on them for the next few hours till they got their own room upstairs. Anyway, I didn't want to bother her while she was in the emergency room so I'm going to visit her tomorrow when I go up to see grandmom. I mean, what are the odds that they would both be in the same hospital, in the same ER room, in the same section of the ER ward, and in the same hallway??? There are no odds, and I wonder why the Lord has continued to cross our paths...we'll see.
Anyway, I'm wiped- I'll update later about ESL (but it literally went incredible!!! The Lord is sooo good!) and I'll update any new info about gmom later (she's already perked up a ton from the sodium and fluids they put in her- thankfully!)
...and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus..." Philippians 3:13-14
Crazy week: Lots of warfare. Lots of joy. Lots of comfort. Lots of the Lover of my soul. Lots of peace. Lots of stress. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of busy-ness. Lots of floral.
Anyway, this all in the midst of our first English Class starting for the summer to reach out to the community (read more about it here on my friend sara's blog)
Crazy week: Lots of warfare. Lots of joy. Lots of comfort. Lots of the Lover of my soul. Lots of peace. Lots of stress. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of busy-ness. Lots of floral.
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| i love these girls |
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| yes, my first high school friend got married saturday, and i still can't grasp it... |
please please pray!
today my Jersey friend Becky is coming from California (i guess she's my cali friend now) because Saturday we have a wedding for our friend Brianna! too much excitement I can't contain it.
So much has happened lately which is why I haven't posted- it's a little overwhelming but all good exciting things and I'll make a little skeleton outline and maybe flesh it out later for you all...
I. Our sr high group has started going door to door once a month in our neighborhood inviting highschoolers to church- pray
II. Our church is starting an ESL class (English to speakers of other languages) next Wednesday Night and yesterday my friend Sara and my sister April and I went down Bustleton Ave going into any foreign store or restaurant we found inviting people out- its sooo exciting! Literally, we met all Russians, which is really cool since I've always wanted to go to Russia (but the Lord just brought them here- perfect!)
Please pray!
III. Our college group is starting a new girls study/prayer/fellowship which will sometimes meet at my house
IV. we just had a missions conference at our church which was incredible with speakers like Poncho Juarez, Daniel Massieh, Matt Ellison, Bob Caldwell, Akson from the only Calvary Chapel in Zambia (who had never before left Africa!), Rafael from Spain, so many incredible men of God! (I'll link all these later probably!)
V. this is just all on top of regular C&C, sr high, small groups, church, family, grandmom, friends, weddings and showers!
VI. Summer plans- Coasteville missions trip, Surf Camp, Unspoken concert outreach, Senior High events, and more family, grandmom...
Its exciting- but the Lord has definitely spoken to me about clutter- All these are such great things and I'm like, all right Lord- it seems like I'm supposed to be a part of all these BUT He also showed me I'm cluttered- so I'm trying to cut our facebook and tv and anything else that is source I go to instead of the Lord for my strength, my supply, my life...
it's been refreshing to say the least.
anyway, check out Romans 8, yes the whole thing...the Lord truly ministered to me with it last night- and relooking at it this morning, vs. 34 was so sweet to me "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?..." (also vs. 35) Jesus Christ faced condemnation for me. He faced the judgement of God for me. He faced the separation of the love of God for me. The Father turned His face away and did not comfort Him. So that I would not have to face condemnation, judgement, separation from the love of God. Praise Him. Selah.
So much has happened lately which is why I haven't posted- it's a little overwhelming but all good exciting things and I'll make a little skeleton outline and maybe flesh it out later for you all...
I. Our sr high group has started going door to door once a month in our neighborhood inviting highschoolers to church- pray
II. Our church is starting an ESL class (English to speakers of other languages) next Wednesday Night and yesterday my friend Sara and my sister April and I went down Bustleton Ave going into any foreign store or restaurant we found inviting people out- its sooo exciting! Literally, we met all Russians, which is really cool since I've always wanted to go to Russia (but the Lord just brought them here- perfect!)
Please pray!
III. Our college group is starting a new girls study/prayer/fellowship which will sometimes meet at my house
IV. we just had a missions conference at our church which was incredible with speakers like Poncho Juarez, Daniel Massieh, Matt Ellison, Bob Caldwell, Akson from the only Calvary Chapel in Zambia (who had never before left Africa!), Rafael from Spain, so many incredible men of God! (I'll link all these later probably!)
V. this is just all on top of regular C&C, sr high, small groups, church, family, grandmom, friends, weddings and showers!
VI. Summer plans- Coasteville missions trip, Surf Camp, Unspoken concert outreach, Senior High events, and more family, grandmom...
Its exciting- but the Lord has definitely spoken to me about clutter- All these are such great things and I'm like, all right Lord- it seems like I'm supposed to be a part of all these BUT He also showed me I'm cluttered- so I'm trying to cut our facebook and tv and anything else that is source I go to instead of the Lord for my strength, my supply, my life...
it's been refreshing to say the least.
anyway, check out Romans 8, yes the whole thing...the Lord truly ministered to me with it last night- and relooking at it this morning, vs. 34 was so sweet to me "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?..." (also vs. 35) Jesus Christ faced condemnation for me. He faced the judgement of God for me. He faced the separation of the love of God for me. The Father turned His face away and did not comfort Him. So that I would not have to face condemnation, judgement, separation from the love of God. Praise Him. Selah.
