55 Years.

4:07:00 PM

Today is my grandparents anniversary- they would have been married 55 years today. 55 years. yikes. All I know is, my grandpop was a very patient man. I look back at old black and white photos of my grandparents and it's crazy to think...My grandmom was a beautiful German woman and my grandpop, a handsome American soldier. It's wierd to think of my grandmom as different than she is now, you know? I mean, it's hard to ever remember her before she began to go crazy (well, she's kind of always been crazy!)...

I think one of the hardest things for me when I deal with my grandmom is that the relationship we have is a pervesion of what a grandaughter grandmother relationship is supposed to be. My grandmom is supposed to be nurturing and taking care of me, but I'm the one taking care of her. Little Emilee (4) is supposed to be being watched by Nanny, but Emmy is always the one tattling on Nanny when she's trying to climb on step ladders or leave and to go to the store.

Speaking of "the store," we told grandmom yesterday that it is closed for construction. The store sells absolutely everything, from wax paper to carpet to chicken to underwear to medicine- this store is absolutely amazing. If only it existed. If I haven't mentioned it before, my grandmom, since last September, thinks that downstairs (in my parent's part of the house) is a store. We've fought with her a few times about it, but it's usually to no avail. The argument often ends in me running to the real store so that I don't have to hear about it anymore, goodness.

The absolute hardest thing for me is how needy my grandmom is. I guess when you are married for 55 years, you are used to having someone always there for you. My grandparents really didn't go anywhere without the other one. From Hawaii to the shore to the store to Europe to Alaska- my grandparents where always together...But now my grandmom has put this huge expectation on me to fill this void my grandpop left. And i can't. I am NOT my grandpop. I am never going to be. Even sleeping in her room for the few weeks I did freaked me out. It hurts her when I leave, even if it's only for a few hours. She cries when I'm gone...thank God that my aunt is going to be coming for a few days the week that I am in Coatesville (domestic missions trip), so it'll keep her mind off me being gone. I haven't mentioned that i'm leaving yet (i usually don't bring those kind of things up till right before I'm leaving.)

On a side note, we have invented a new family birthday tradition. On your birthday, Grandmom hides the cake and you have to find it :) The other night was April's birthday and spent an hour trying to figure out where grandmom put the cake- yikes! We finally found it out in the dining room in the windowsill, but the cakestand broke in two so we ended up making a new cake anyway...ha
i laughed.

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