My plans

11:02:00 AM

Hmmm...2008.

I guess I never in a million years would have thought of planning last year for myself.
But God knows better.
Because you know what, His plans aren't my plans, and His thoughts aren't my thoughts.
Isaiah 55 (let me give a shout out to Women's D Fall 07! what what!)

I love those verses in Isaiah 55. For all the laughs I had about them at 2 in the morning in the kitchen of Flat 10, they've held me up this year. 
I love that those verses are in the context of God's forgiveness and grace, because I could barely forgive myself for things I've done this year, but God didn't give a second thought about forgiving me and when I screwed up a thousand times over, He never once regretted it. Thank God that His thoughts aren't mine.

But I never would have planned taking a semester off from school.
I never would have planned both of my grandparents being in the hospital for the better part of the beginning of this year. 
I never would have planned staying home to take care of my grandmother.
I never would have planned that my grandfather would die in a ventilator hospital.
I never would have planned moving into my grandmother's part of the house, learning to cook, clean, and serve at home.
I never would have imagined that my grandmother would have gotten one hundred time better than she was a year ago at this time (I think last New Years we were hanging out in a nursing home talking to a bunch of crazy old people in party hats eating cheese and crackers- and my grandmother being totally unaware of who my family even was and couldn't roll over in her own bed without help. This year we had a party at our own house and she was walking with a cane up and down the steps and remembering relatives from my dad's side of the family!)
I never would have planned making friends down the shore and helping out with surf camp (much less learning to surf!)
I never would have planned taking online classes at community college (or imagined failing half of them!)
I never would have planned being a small group leader at my old drama teacher's house with a bunch of senior girls who don't usually even attend my senior high group.
I never would have planned having a wonderful friend named Julianne who holds me accountable and who came over once a week to encourage me even when I was floundering and sinning and broken in my own awfulness. 
I never would have planned getting to be closer to my family (much less even desired it), or planned learning to love my grandmom (whose house I never even would have wanted to go down to before Bible college), or planned taking steps to break down walls in my life and let in friends and be real.
What a hard and exciting and sweet and awful and wonderful and disastrous and encouraging year.

For all my failing, God was faithful.
For all my weakness, God was strong.
For all my unwillingness, God was willing.
For all my imperfection, God was perfect.

What a great God.
I'm excited for a new year. For something new, even if that doesn't mean circumstancially. I'm excited for stepping into it with all I learned from every trial and failing and victory last year. And with the knowledge that God's plans are good and that they aren't my plans...

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