I hate it when I don't update all month

11:10:00 AM

Honestly- I think I do this at this time every year. Promise to update about Coatesville and surf camp- than I am just busy AT surf camp and Coatesville and than everyone goes back to school and I just love fall and so I never update- I'm just a liar I guess.
Anyway, I have really weird dreams all the time. Ranging from getting married with a black gospel choir serenading me to pigs surfing with the help of ducks to trying to jog to highschool with my friend Julianne and a bag of hand-me-down clothes. WHY??? Maybe that's why I am tired all the time- I'm too busy all night to get any rest.

Anyway, Sometimes I have themes I'm learning but I think it's been more of my entire life needs to just die and my desires need to just die and I am getting to the total end of my self and all of my ability and so it's time for Jesus to just do it all and have His way. I've felt super super unable lately- and do you know what- i really really am. But God is just so able. And drawing near to Him is just so utterly sweet. I'm realizing more and more I just want to be near Him and for Him to delight in me and I in Him.
Some journal quotes and verses as of late:
"The spirit that comes in is not that of doing anything for Jesus but of being a perfect delight to Him. The secret of the missionary is- I am His and He is carrying out His enterprises through me. Be entirely His"- Oswald Chambers
"The water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water" John 4:14
"Keep right at the source, and you will be blessed personally? No- out of you will flow rivers of living water, irrepressible life"- Oswald Chambers
All right one theme has been water- living water. Yes. That's seriously what I want- The Holy Spirit overflowing out of me.
"For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water" Jer. 2:13
Another theme is like just how we as a people can think everything is okay when it is really not okay between us and God- the way people don't even have shame about their sin anymore-
"They have healed thew wound of my people lightly saying, 'Peace, peace' when there is no peace.
"Were they ashamed when they committed abomination?
"No, they were not at all ashamed; they did not even know how to blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; at the time that I punish them they shall be overthrown,' says the Lord" Jer. 6:14-15

Revival has been on my heart lately.
"If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways than I will hear from heaven and I will forgive their sins and heal their land" 2 Chronicles 7:14
My church is being stirred. My pastor has decided to cancel out Sunday night Bible Study and make it a prayer meeting instead for like the next 10 months or however long it takes us to go through Luke on Sunday mornings. I'm excited. I don't know what it is going to look like. at all. I mean, there are thousands of people at our church- is everyone going to show? Is anyone going to show? We need to be stirred. I need to be stirred. I need personal revival in my life. Sometimes I step back and I've just been like Lord- am I even willing? Am I really willing for Him to actually come in and remove everything that needs to be removed? To actually do whatever He wants in my heart? Oh boy...
But The Lord has been also just reminding me through the books of the law that His commands are for my good- that everything He does is for my good and that He only wants good things for me. I mean, He's only ever done good for me- I look back even on my grandfather dying, how he would be 82 today, that we'd be celebrating our birthdays together tonight- and there's a part of me that's sad. I'm sad that even my crazy lunatic grandmother remembered that it was his birthday today before I did. I mean, I miss him. But I can see God's incredible sovereign hand in taking him and even the way it went down- seeing a loved one in a foul smelling, death filled respirator hospital is one of the most horrible things in the world. Being at Bible College and your grandfather having a triple bypass is hard. Not being with your family when your grandparents are in the hospital is hard- much less being an ocean away. Watching your mom sob in hallways when doctors are telling her her father may have brain damage is hard and watching your mom and aunts fight over whether to have my grandpop keep fighting or remove the respirator was probably one of the darkest most horrible times in my life.
Honestly. But God. God brought such incredible beauty from those ashes. My grandfather's salvation. My grandmother's salvation. My cousin's salvation. My up and down year of sin and despair- but ultimately- victory over sin, brokenness, joy, peace, love, patience.
God did it. Praise Him.
And so why do I still doubt?!!!!
Anyway- I'm excited, and we're asking the Lord to have His way.
So I'll let you know how that goes.
I've been listening to a lot of J. Edwin Orr. A man who studied revival and tromped all over the UK telling people about Jesus.
Check out some of his speakings-

Sorry for the randomness- I'm telling you I feel like it's been a very random month and two million years since surf camp but one day I'll update ;)

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