The Girl who cried "Death"

12:49:00 PM




I feel like a broken record. The last three Christmases claiming they could be my grandmom's last. We just don't know if she'll make it another year, I'd say. Christmas 07 I sat in a hospital watching both of my grandparents dying. During that time I was filling in at my church cleaning for my mom a lot, and there was a luncheon for the teachers and staff for Christmas. They had a bunch of fake Christmas trees, and gave one for me to take to my grandmom (because she was actually awake- though insane, whereas my grandfather was in a coma). Grandmom told me to get it out of here, very adamantly. I took it to my grandpop instead and sat it in his room. His last Christmas tree.
My sister and I visited her on Christmas. We played Christmas charades and sang "O Tennanbaum."
My grandmom survived that Christmas and miraculously came home in January, and began walking, talking, singing, laughing, and was back to her old crazy self- healthy- but demented.

Since then Grandma and I have celebrated every Christmas, getting ourselves a tree, making a happy little home in our part of the house.

Last Christmas, we took my grandmom over my other grandparents on Christmas Eve. She could no longer walk because of her dislocated hip. My dad carried her into their house and sat her in the recliner. We were all together eating ham sandwiches. She wanted to go home. My grandparents shared a little wine with her. We had a lovely evening. Christmas Day she was incredible. I hadn't seen her so good in forever. She knew who she was and sort of who we were and where she was. She ate prime rib. It was a beautiful day.

This Christmas: my grandmom hasn't eaten in days. Nothing more than a little glass of orange juice and a few bites of mashed up chicken pot pie. I've thrown out  bowls and bowls  of oatmeal and yogurt and puddings that she won't eat. She just won't open her mouth.
 I decorated her room with lights and all her Christmas decorations. I got her a little potted tree and put it in her room with all her ornaments. She kind of just stares off into space.
All her little needlepoints she worked so hard on every year are on shelves and hanging on the tree- now she can't even open her hands. They're clenched up and her one fingernail is dead.
I want to sing O Tennanbaum. She doesn't speak.

I know I've said every Christmas that this would be her last. We celebrated every year like it was, trying to make it special for us and for her.
And this Christmas will be the same. We'll celebrate it like it's her last, and try to make it special for us and for her.
If you think please pray for my mom. Watching her mom not eat has been really hard for her. For some reason I feel really detached and unemotional about it- and maybe that's just the Lord's grace cause I've got to deal with it, but for my mom it's been really wearing. Please and Thanks!


christmas 09 (ignore the date on the photo...)

Christmas '10


christmas 2011

she still smiles <3
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Edit: Praise Update! I re-heated her oatmeal and some applesauce and just prayed and asked the Lord to help her eat or to please just take her home- she not only ate all of that but also drank her nutritional  supplemant drink, gatorade, and then i made her some potatoes and baby food chicken and rice and she ate a little bit of that, now she's resting. What a blessing. And it was such nice news to tell my mom when she got home from work :) thanks for praying!!!

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