A Life After Death

" After [Pilate] had said this, he went back outside to the Jews and told them, "I find no guilt in Him [Jesus]" (John 18:38)

"Pilate went out to them again and said to them, "See, I am bringing no Him out to you that you may know that I find no guilt in Him" (John 19:4)

Pilate said to them, "Take him yourselves and crucify Him, for I find no guilt in Him" (John 19:6)

Jesus never sinned. But He was the pure, examined, sacrificial lamb, who took my guilt. He bore my shame. He carried my sin. Praise Him! I'm so thankful lately for Christ's sacrifice for me. I can't handle His love for me. It's literally so overwhelming I don't really know what to do but thank Him and say how great He is. I'm so thankful.

 

One of the top things I miss most about my grandmom is just climbing into her bed and laying by her side. Honestly, I spent so many hours just laying in her bed and watching tv with her or playing on the computer or taking pictures together.  I just really miss her. And I don't really have an outlet for it. We haven't buried her yet (actually, her urn is hopefully still at the funeral home- we actually haven't gone to get it yet...woops) and so when I miss her there's really nowhere to go as like an outlet. I've taken over her room. I don't really have a special 'thing' that reminds me of her. To be honest, this blog is like the closest thing I have to something tangible that 'connects' me to her. But I think that's really the Lord- because I can't hold onto her. I can't draw close to her through these things- because she's not in them- she's in Heaven! She's not here. She's not in a room, or in the ground, or even in the marble urn (well, hopefully she's in the marble urn- wherever that is...), she's with Jesus. And I'm looking forward in faith to the day when I'll see her again. That's the reality of it. That's my hope. And the Lord is so good to me. He wants to comfort me and for me to draw near to Him and lean on His breast and find all comfort from Him. He took my grandmom from my side so I can just lay at His side and find my rest in Him. Grandmom's presence cannot comfort me because she is not here. Praise Jesus for His Presence in my life. 

...I just really miss my grandmom.



I know one day I eventually need to update this blog. I really don't know what I'm gonna do with it. A couple times I've gone to edit the "about me" and I just can't do it. Maybe it's because I don't have anything to replace it with...but then, I know one thing the Lord is teaching me is my identity is SOLELY in Him. Nothing else. No one else. Him alone.

Well, it's almost over. I feel like these last 31 days have taken a year to live. Longest month ever. There's a part of me that feels like grandmom died a long time ago- I cannot believe it hasn't even been a month. Then there's this other part that feels like I was just laying in her bed yesterday. I miss it like crazy. It hits me at the weirdest times- usually pulling up to the house. Coming home after church. The routine was always, come into the house and go right into grandmom's room. "Hello beautiful," I'd say. Another life ago. After dinner it'll hit me- I was so used to heading right upstairs to feed her. I just miss her.

But the Lord is good- still such joy. And I haven't been overwhelmed by sorrow yet. Little waves crash, sometimes they look big coming from the shore, but they always come in small and go back out. One anchor= Jesus. One hope= Jesus. One sustainer= Jesus. So thankful.

Anyway, my eyes are fixed ahead. That's where my life is. I can't dwell in what my life was, or how things used to be. It's not my life anymore. Everything is ahead- eternity, Jesus, grandmom...the plans He has for me. He's laid such a foundation in my life- the Rock- Jesus. Just like grandmom, Jesus made me His own.

" Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal for  the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. " Philippians 3:12-14

This website right here is amazing- It's a map that indicates people visiting a Global Media Outreach website and also indicates if they make a decision to accept Jesus Christ as their Saviour. It's beautiful.

Global Media Outreach is, according to their website, "a global ministry presenting the good news of Jesus Christ online 24/7. Our goal is to stay on the cutting edge of global communication technologies to share Jesus and help believers grow in their faith worldwide."

It's been a long and up and down week. Did I really just post last Wednesday? Life is just flying by.

On Friday we lost one of our sr highers. She was a junior. She drowned in a pool down the shore. She was like literally just on facebook posting statuses. Next thing you know, her wall was just filled with "praying for you" and than slowly the "RIP" statuses and "praying for your family" statuses started filtering on when the confirmation came...

Divinely, we had a praise and prayer night scheduled for Friday night for sr high, and I've never seen so many kids show up at a Praise and Prayer Night. And we prayed, and we praised, and there was such brokeness.

And I won't pretend like it has not been hard. She used to be good friends with my sister and brother. She used to come over and dress up like a cow. She used to come to youth events and wear footie pajamas to retreats and read her Bible from her Kindle. And I won't pretend like she was on fire for the Lord. She was struggling. But I believe she was saved (Praise the Lord for His grace).

And tomorrow night is the viewing. And just thinking about it has made me so heavy. A lot of my small groups girls were good friends with her. But I remember them all being on the retreat this last January and I can remember during our small group time just saying to these girls, "Jesus is worth it." and I remember saying to them that whatever it takes to bring them to Jesus, it's worth it- no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts or how painful it is, if it brings you to Jesus it's worth it. And a lot of those girls that I said that too just lost their best friend.

And today my heart for was just hurting. Hurting for her family, for her friends. I'm overwhelmed for this funeral tomorrow. A lot of her classmates from her public high school will be there. And I'm just asking Jesus to please meet with us. To minister. To take our burdens. Matt 11:28-30 has been such a comfort. I'm so thankful that there is Hope to offer these kids. I'm so thankful to know Jesus, Our Comforter- to have the Holy Spirit. And oh that I would be broken for the kids who don't have that. And oh that I would be urgent to share with them about who Jesus is- our Only Hope.
Please pray.
Please.

So if I haven't mentioned it on here, my home church is Calvary Chapel of Philadelphia...I legit love my church. I've grown up there, literally, my family came to know the Lord shortly after I was born and I got thrown right into the nursery. I can remember fighting in the 3 year old class with some boy over a stuffed pink My Little Pony in sunday school (why did that boy want that My Little Pony??? as  you can see, I'm still a little bitter). Anyway, but even recently, I've grown to just love my church more- our Pastor is such an incredible man of God. So humble. So submitted to the Word of God. Growing in just submission to the leading of the Holy Spirit. So real with just the work that the Lord is doing in his life and with his need for grace and growth still! And I really believe the Lord has continued to work and move and bless our church because of the heart of our pastors and elders (who have just this same heart as Pastor Joe!) and its incredible to see the whole church body growing in these areas also...yeah, so anyway. Calvary Philly has birthed other fellowships in the area over the years and one of them that is very recent is the Calvary Chapel in Germantown. 


So a few weeks ago I got to help with an outreach that our church was partnering with the Germantown fellowship  to do. It was an outreach to the Women in the neighborhood and  also to a local Women's Shelter (they brought the women and their children to the outreach in vans). So somehow or other my friend Sara and I ended up planning a craft for the kids, planning a jewelry project for the teens, finding a movie for them, creating a lesson, and finding volunteers and supplies for nail painting for the teen girls...so needless to say, it was a hectic few days before it and definitely had some hectic moments in it...but it truly was all worth it!

So the plan was have the mom's go back with some older women who came from our church to have their nails done and have a break (and hopefully have a chance to be prayed for and hear the gospel one on one from someone who loves them with the love of Christ!) while Sara and I and our volunteers from our college group and sr high took care of the teens and kids!

I dedicated a "page" to this project which you can find here

We decided a few days before to do the Parting of the Red Sea as our lessons because for some crazy reason I had a MILLION fish stickers in my closet and still to do this day have no clue where they came from. So we had them make their own "red sea" so they could have a visual while we shared the story with them!

So while some did the craft, other played outside, and we let the older ones make "salvation bracelets" (colored bead bracelets that coordinate with the gospel- ex. red= blood of Christ)

The most incredible part is that a few Muslim women came from the shelter with their children. We ended up getting to share not only the story of how God parted the red sea to them (and these little girls paid more attention than any of the other kids!), they also got to make salvation bracelets and hear the gospel, and than we let the girls get their nails done where my friend Ellie (who only just got saved in September) shared the gospel with them again! The older muslim girl said to Ellie, "I wish that i could have this in writing so that I can tell all of my friends who don't know!" But she was hesitant to pray to accept Jesus. The best part is we found out a few weeks later from the pastor's wife that the mom got saved!!!

One of the highlights of the outreach for me was when we went around inviting women in the neighborhood out to the outreach, we came across a woman who had just had leg surgery and couldn't walk down to the church but she let my friend Beverly pray for her. Than Bev send me and another woman and a man to escort us back to their house to bring the outreach to them! Joan did the woman's nails and her and the man from the church spoke with her while I was able to share the story of how God used Moses to part the Red Sea and did the craft with the kids who were super attentive. There was also a 25 year old handicapped boy there who loved doing the craft...it was just so sweet to serve them in the name of Jesus. The one boy even colored me one of the Moses's and gave it to me to keep!

I was definitely exhausted by the end of it but it was truly such a wonderful opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus and I love just proclaiming the glory of God to the world. He's so worthy of it. And we should never be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ- it's salvation! And with all that's been going on lately in the world between Osama Bin Laden being killed and the earthquakes and tornadoes and wars in the Middle East and rising gas prices...I'm so much more urgent for people to come to know the Lord because time is so short, Jesus Christ is coming back soon! And I'm excited for Jesus Christ to reign as King in Jerusalem on this earth one day...

I finished reading through Chronicles recently and one thing that really stood out to me was the heart of the men who followed David to see him be king in Israel. "All these, men of war, arrayed in battle order, came to Hebron with full intent to make David king over all Israel. Likewise, all the rest of Israel were of a single mind to make David king." 1 Chronicles 12:38 What is my full intent? What am I single minded on? Is it to see Jesus Christ be make king in the lives of those around me?  I've been challenged...soon and very soon every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord! But how I long for my friends and family who aren't saved now to see His kingship and His Lordship while they still have a chance to choose Him...

As I've mentioned, I go up to Coatesville, PA on Thursday afternoons to help with an afterschool club for the inner city youth. We bus them about ten minutes from the city to a place called The Camp at Old Mill,  started by a couple named Jack and Sue Crans and their family. Anyway, this ministry has been going on since before my time, but I seriously love this camp, this family and the other volunteers, and these kids. Anyway, I help with the jr high girls, but Mr. Jack teaches them. I've decided I get more out of these teaching than the girls do because seriously I am so blessed to sit under the teaching of this man of God who has given his whole life to serve God by serving the people of Coatesville.

Anyway, Mr. Jack recently took a trip to Angola Prison (really called Louisiana State Penitentiary) where, I think the statistic is that %85 of the men in there are there for life. What a sad, dark place that could be! But by the grace of God, a work has begun there and these men are presented the gospel of Jesus Christ. And also, these men have been given opportunities to serve the Lord and serve people through programs like Malachi Dad's and the hospice ministry (video below).

Mr. Jack met some of the men there, toured the entire facility, and came back to share with us and the girls about Compassion. Well go ahead and rip my heart out, Mr. Jack. First Mr. Jack asked us what compassion meant and the girls through out words like "feeling" and "love." And Mr. Jack shared with us the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) . He reminded us that feeling love for people wasn't enough- but it was putting that love into action that would make it compassion.  Than he showed us a video on the hospice ministry of Angola Prison.  Anyway, the inmates minister to the other inmates who are dying- changing their diapers, feeding them, washing them, sitting by their side while they take their last breath, and sharing the hope of the gospel.
What a picture. I can change my grandmom's diaper, no problem- but the diaper of a convicted murderer?  What an act of compassion! What an act of love! Anyway, I was challenged- I can say I love people- I can say I love the people of Philadelphia, I can say I love my church, I can say I love my family- but if I see a need, and am able to do something to satisfy that need and do nothing- than how is that showing the compassion, the love of Jesus Christ my Lord??? Convicting, challenging, and hopefully life changing...how I long to have Jesus' compassion for people. Jesus saw needs and did something about it. Jesus was surrounded by hoards of smelling dirty people who followed Him around all the time, and He loved them, spoke God's words to them, healed and ministered to them- even when He was tired and busy! Oh to be like Jesus...


On a totally random note- remember when I mentioned Dr. William Allan Dean's book The Names of God? Anyway, guess who signed the charter when The Camp at Old Mill was started????? Yes, W. A. Dean! woah, small world, eh?