A Life After Death

Now read their blog. You know how when you crush a rose the fragrance comes out. Or wine is made from pressed grapes. Yeah. The fragrance of Christ, the joy in the midst of suffering and pain, Living waters- the surpassing worth of knowing Christ- it all basically just exudes from this blog. It's like touching holy moments in the life of this couple and they share them with us. Check it out.

"If we make secondary things primary, they cease to be secondary and become idolatrous. They have their place. But they are not first, and they are not guaranteed. Life is precarious, and even if it is long by human standards, it is short. “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14). “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring” (Prov. 27:1).So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it.
Very soon the shadow will give way to Reality. The partial will pass into the Perfect. The foretaste will lead to the Banquet. The troubled path will end in Paradise. A hundred candle-lit evenings will come to their consummation in the marriage supper of the Lamb. And this momentary marriage will be swallowed up by Life. Christ will be all and in all. And the purpose of marriage will be complete.
To that end may God give us eyes to see what matters most in this life. May the Holy Spirit, whom he sends, make his crucified and risen Son the supreme Treasure of our lives. And may that Treasure so satisfy our souls that the root of every marriage-destroying impulse is severed. And may the marriage-watching world be captivated by the covenant- keeping love of Christ."- John Piper

The blanket I won from mynewbeginnings.blogspot.com (aka my dear friend Jarreau's blog)

So the last few days have been such a refreshing time. Ever since Monday night I've been doing a lot better. The guilt really hasn't shown up, which I'm truly thankful for. Tuesday morning I got up and read this encouragement from the Lord through Susannah Spurgeon-

Free Grace and Dying Love: Morning Devotions by Susannah Spurgeon

Perfect timing (even though it's my third or fourth read through of this little treasure). Also Chantale had leant me a little book called God's Promises Day by Day and Tuesday morning's was by Peter Wallace:

Grandmom's dying process has been so eerily similar to four years ago when my grandpop was dying. She took a turn for the worst around Thanksgiving, starting and stopping eating and drinking. It was around Thanksgiving '07 my grandpop had his massive heart attack. And from there it's just little things that are causing flashbacks. My mom cannot stand the sight of these little blue foam things on popsicle sticks that you are supposed to use to moisten her mouth. My grandpop had a breathing tube in from December till March and we'd moisten his mouth with those foam things. Since my grandmom's skin is starting to break down from lack of nutrition, I've noticed some red spots on her back- so I'm trying to be more diligent to roll her back and forth. My grandpop had ended up with massive bed sore. And so on and so on...

I serve a really really incredible God. Like, the more I know about Him, the more I love Him. Who He is, His character and attributes are so incredible.
But the thing that blows my mind the most is always His love for weak vessels. If you've been in the church for any amount of time, you've probably noticed that in the Body of Christ there are a lot of people who are saved with mental illness, social ineptness, aren't beautiful by the world's standards, and the list could go on to describe that the world would deam "unworthy" of their time or attention (and sometimes, even unworthy to live). And I'm not saying I'm above any of this- I told my parents I needed a psychiatrist when I was in 3rd grade. I'm the weakest vessel there probably is out there!
But seriously, there are people who have true issues, who are saved and blood bought. And God is so gracious as to save any of us, but what kind of a God goes out of His way to send His Son to earth to save people who can offer Him nothing (by the world's standards of things)? I know i've written on this a lot here because of how God has just blown my mind with saving my grandmom in her old age, frailty of mind and all. But I can't stop meditating on this part of God's character.
And this past weekend I was reading in 1 Corinthians 12:21-26

"The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”  On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.  If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together."

"the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indespensable"
Woah. Not only does God save "weaker" people, but in His awesomeness- He has made them indespensable to our body. Wow.
That is an incredible God. He doesn't just use the beautiful? The smart? The funny? The ones who can speak? The ones who have full use of their bodily functions? The ones with full use of their mind?  He actually has made these "weaker" vessels part of the Body and somehow has made us need them.
I love God.
Seriously, our world does not think like this? I've only begun even somewhat thinking this way the last couple years. Lord, please continue to renew my mind and get that old way of thinking out. That when I see the weaker vessels in the body, when thier "inadequacies" frustrate me, oh that I would look with Your eyes, Your love, Your heart toward them! That I would see my need for them!

The Lord is moving. And I truly believe whatever it is He is doing, He is doing it in the Body. Ephesians has been blowing my mind lately:

"For through Him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.  So then you are no longer strangers and aliens,  but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,  built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.  In Him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by  the Spirit."- Ephesians 2:18-22

God in us? God dwelling in us? I think there's a reality of what I have In Christ that I haven't grasped yet, and I know that it's something the Lord wants to reveal to me as I seek Him on my knees. And there's a "building together" that He wants to do and something He wants to work in us together.
All of us, the "stronger" alongside the "weaker"- because, honestly, it's only In Christ that any of us are anything. Our own righteousness is filthy rags. The genius would burn alongside the down syndrome child if God had not made a way for us to be saved.

Anyway, I'm learning to really appreciate the weaker members of the Body. And, no, I will not pretend that sometimes it's still not hard to love those who (in the world's standards of things) can offer me nothing. But honestly, the more I'm around, and challenged, and transformed by interacting with these members of the Body, the more blessed I am and I'm honesly grateful for them.
And yes, they stir me up to praise a Great God like ours who sent His son that "whosoever believeth in Him would not perish but have everlasting life" John 3:16.

 Its so weird to look at my last post and truly believe that was only a week ago. The Lord has rocked my world so much since then.

I think I need to preface this post with what Sr High Youth Ministry means to me: Sr High Ministry is a major part of my life. I schedule the majority of my social, work, family life around it. And I have since 2003 when I was a 9th grader. I could probably count the number of events I've missed belonging to Sr high on two hands since then, not counting my year of exile (after you graduate they ask you to take a year off until you become a leader). I love Sr High. I always have. I always will. Sr High is my Friday nights for the most part. Almost all of my friends are Sr high staff. We plan our social events around Sr high. We socialize at Sr High.  Sr High is my Wednesday nights. I haven't been in the sanctuary on Wednesday nights consecutively for about the last two years. I usually only check my email because I may be getting an email relating to Sr high. The Sr High website is the on my top sites list when I open my internet browser. Sr High is my facebook status updates and  a major percentage of my Facebook friends...I know this is starting to sound pretty pathetic. But I was wholeheartedly Sr High staff.
Yes.
Was.
Jesus called me out of it this week.
So here's what the Lord showed me at Coatesville. I mean, this has been a process for months now and you can trace it if you look back over some of my posts recently. Something had to go. Sr High wasn't an option. But even looking over my posts I realized- I've barely posted about Sr High. I've barely prayed for Sr High. When life was getting crazy, I wouldn't admit it to myself but it was Sr High that was taking the back-burner.

my devo spot

So on Saturday morning, I walked out of my bunk and toward my devo spot. (And look even how faithful the Lord was to prepare me for this season!)  On my way I just felt this sense of ending. Like my time at this spot was over. Mid-basketball court the tears started streaming- No more Coatesville? and then the thought went one step further- No more Sr High? What could this mean? But in the Lord's mercy and grace, part of the "Banner" (memory) verse for the week came to my mind:
"Fear Not" - but why "Fear Not" ? Why shouldn't I fear? I think I have every reason to fear- my whole life was about to change drastically! My pride would have to be humbled. My Friday nights would be empty. No small groups? No Wednesday night studies? Everyone going to Coatesville, Prayer Retreats, Winter Retreats without me??? I thin I had every right to fear- but Jesus said- "Fear not"- key word here being "Jesus said."
If anyone else said, Fear not- it would not mean anything. This week our theme was "Jesus our Hero." The skits revolved around a hero named "hero man." He was a failing hero. If Hero man told me to "fear not," it would be no comfort.  But it is Jesus who tells me to "Fear Not." Not even Brian or Mike. Not my friends. Not even Pastor Joe. It is Jesus- He is my comfort.
And He began to reveal to me who He is through the rest of our memory verse:
"Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth, says, 'Fear not. I am the First and the Last and the Living One. I died and behold, I am alive forevermore" (Revelation 1:5, 17, 18)

"The faithful witness"- the one who stands before the Father testifying of what He has seen- that Christ Himself died and rose- being the "Firstborn from the dead" because He loved me- to save me. And He witnesses my whole life- all my failing- and loves me still. He witnesses that His blood covers me- through Him I have the redemption of sins. I can stand before the Father, washed, blameless.  It is the Jesus who conquered death who tells me to "fear not."

"the ruler of the kings of the earth"- 'no power of hell, no scheme of man- can ever pluck me from His hand.' What can man do to me? What situation can arise the He has no control over? He rules even the kings, governors, presidents.

"I am the First and the Last and the Living One"- Time has no dominion over Him. Even lately I've watched Him make "a day as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day"- it feels like that's the amount of time it should take for the work in me to be accomplished! He's always there- in every situation. And He sovereignly controls it.

"I died and behold I am alive forevermore"- death has no reign over Him. And so death has no reign over me- through Him. Eternity is before me.

So why do I fear? Jesus who has full dominion, Jesus who died because He loves me, Jesus who is coming again says, "fear not."

And so I felt peace that morning. I felt like I could give it up to this Jesus- but only for a season. I mean, He wouldn't really call me to give up sr high, would He?  This was all just a little test this morning. I'd come through and through Christ has been victorious- right?

And so I went through my day, and met with some friends. and I shared about that morning. And now I felt like- 'wait, this could be real!' And I was scared again. And even though I'd opened my hand a crack, I still wasn't really letting go- because- That Jesus- He wouldn't do that to me. Didn't He know I needed Sr High????

I went into communion that night. And every song called Him Lord- and I told Him "no."
Every song said He was worthy and I held my fist shut. Every song called to give Him all- and I couldn't take it anymore. He was calling and I had to answer. Jesus died. He shed His blood. He loves me. He's worthy. I had to let go if I ever wanted to know this Jesus more or be able to praise Him. To bring Him glory.
And so I let go.
And I worshipped.

And so afterwards I told me friends. I talked to my friend Sara on a wet bench under a broken umbrella in the rain. We both knew I would never have come up with this on my own. The idea of me leaving sr high was so ridiculous, insane, out of the blue. It had never been an option. Sr high was mine. I would never even pray about giving up Sr High...

Months ago Pastor Joe taught on Mary and Martha. I knew I was being Martha. I was so busy. I was not sitting at Jesus feet. "But Martha was distracted with much serving." "Martha Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:41) and even during communion Saturday night, someone read the account where Mary poured out her all on Jesus' feet. Jesus said to Judas when he criticized her, "Leave her alone, so that se may keep it for the day of my burial. For the poor you, but you do not always have Me." (John 12:7). And Sunday morning as I thought on these things, I found in my Bible a sheet of song lyrics and on the back "Don't Hold Back." And then I remembered, my friend Ade had shared one morning on Mary's story. I had forgotten. But Jesus had been preparing me- to pour out my all to Him. My treasures. He was worthy of them.

And after Joe taught on Mary and Martha I knew I needed to seek His heart for all my ministries. But I wouldn't really. Because somewhere deep inside of me- I wasn't willing to let go if He asked for them. So if I don't offer them to Him, I won't have to say no when He asks for them, right? I remember awhile ago my friend Chantale asking me how I was doing. And for some reason I shared with her how I was touched by the Mary/Martha study. She asked if she could pray with me and I remember her praying that I'd know which ministries to be a part of and which need to go. And part of me recoiled then. Part of me knew that the Lord would answer that prayer. Part of me knew I didn't really want Him to. And what's funny is I got a text from Chantale this week. I hadn't talked to her or texted her probably since that talk. All it said was "Beloved, 'Cast your anxieties upon Him for He cares for you' 1 Peter 5:7" He was preparing me all week.

On the camping trip we read those verses I wrote about in my last post in Zechariah. "And when you eat and when you drink, do you not eat for yourselves and drink for yourselves?" (7:6) And even in 8:23, "In those days ten men from the nations of every tongue shall take hold of the robe of a Jew, saying, "Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you""- and if I'm not following after God- who would ever say that of me. How can I lead people to a Lord that I'm not following after?

Midweek, some drama had arisen with some girls and I felt like I literally had no wisdom to deal with it. Nothing. And I honestly didn't really want girls to come to me about things. I hid from it. And I wanted just to be with staff. And I wanted just to play Monopoly Deal. (pathetic I know).
And my heart- my heart wasn't right. I had to let this go. What's the point of it all if it isn't for God's glory? If it bears no fruit in my life or these sr highers lives.

The Lord has continued to just confirm that the time was over. Really random things. Like for some reason when I was getting the make-up station supplies at the store before Coatesville I was determined to get a plastic bin so I could keep everything in the sr high closet. And I decided to label it and make a list on top of all the supplies that were needed...just in case...i wasn't going to be able to do it next year...

And just what the Lord has shown me through it and just how near and real He's been. How much more settled I feel (though I have waves of sorrow when I think of everthing I'm going to miss out on. which is just plain selfish. though I still get worried that I'm crazy and made all this up. though I get anxious at the idea of my friends all going to staff meeting without me. its a million little things that have just always been there that won't be anymore. strange. just so different.) but I really am confident that this is the Lord's will. That He is pleased. I need Him so much right now. I need Him to be real for me. And He has been.
And I'm watching it take a purifying effect on my entire life. I've hid behind my busy-ness. Friendships that need to go deeper. Friends who have walked away from the Lord I need to pursue. College and Careerers that need friends- who need someone who has a Friday night open- because they're alone because they gave up their friends to follow Jesus. Kids who graduated senior high who need to get plugged in. I know how hard that first year out of sr high is...I feel like I'm almost reliving it- but with so much more knowledge of who Jesus is- by His grace I've learned there is no other Fountain.
I've hid from all of this things because I was "too busy" bearing no fruit, living selfishly, pursuing my own agenda.
Praise the Lord He's freeing me.

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in His way; though he fall, he will not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.
" I have been young and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or His children begging for bread. He is ever-lending generously and His children become a blessing." Psalm 37:23-26

hero man

facepainting and nail salon

being with these girls and watching people <3

I'm going to miss Sr High. Everyone asks what I'm doing instead. Well, I'm just still doing all the other million things I've been doing but praying for the Lord to purify and remove any of them if they also have to go. I want to be able to pour myself into them but as an outflow of what the Lord pours into me.

well, God is already doing exceedingly abundantly beyond anything  I could have imagined...
I'm learning how small my faith really is...I don't expect that God will really do a great work in my day...but now that I'm literally watching Him do it, I kind of feel like Thomas when Jesus said to him "blessed are those who have not seen yet have believed" (John 20:29) and now I just want to expect Him to do even greater things- 
my friend Carli shared this verse at our College and Career Girl's Bible study (which has WAY more girls than I imagined- or was ready for!) last night- Habakkuk 1:5 "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told"
ESL was just incredible tonight! I'm just blown away and I'm excited to see how God just brings His name glory! I'm expecting people to get saved. I'm expecting God to just declare who He is to these people. For His love and His Spirit to be manifest. I'm like so excited!!!
p.s. gmom came home the day after the ER visit, but than started coughing and wheezing and we were worried she was getting pneumonia, but we got her some breathing treatments going on and she's getting better! good news indeed!

All right. I've realized lately that I don't need God in a lot of areas in my life. I mean, ultimately I NEED Him to live, move, breathe, walk, talk, sleep, think. But, I mean, in a lot of areas in my life I try to supply most of my needs myself. Like, I don't depend on God for things.

And I realized I have been ripping myself off from knowing God in the most incredible ways ever.
For example: Money.
You see, I have this magic plastic rectangle that supplies all of my needs financially. I don't have money to get food with friends. *swipe* Now I do. Why did I ever get a wretched credit card. I've been missing out on seeing God miraculously provide for me. I've been missing out on depending on Him. Seeking Him. Allowing Him to be the provider in my life. Its so lame. I've been missing out on seeking Him for His will in my life financially- allowing Him to lead and guide and direct what I buy, when I buy it, how I buy it. Ugh. I could have known God so much more for so many years if I hadn't filled out a stupid application for a magic fix all card. And how I've tried to be provider in so many other people's lives. So and so is struggling, so and so needs money to do such and such, so and so doesn't have money for dinner- don't worry, I have a credit card that fixes everything even though I don't actually have the money and actually am in debt from stupid school that I haven't even gone to for over a year. How God could have shown His glory, His power, His ability in that situation. Why do I rip off other people from allowing God to show Himself able to provide all of their needs...???
And oh how much sweeter its been to realize- all of my money is His. Everything I do should be His. To actually look to Him for provision for all of my needs- to know Him deeper because I actually do need Him.
To go to God, the fountain of Living Waters instead of these broken cisterns... (Jer. 2:13)
And the examples could go on in my life.

I got the book Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan  a couple days ago when I ordered my Bible off Amazon (free shipping- represent!!!) (p.s.- I had a gift card- thought I should add that in after the whole money rant up there...)
Anyway- ugh. Convicting. Challenging. Powerful. Please read it.

Oh how we've neglected the Holy Spirit in our lives...as individual believers, as the church body. How we've tried to minister to each other without Him, and how we even haven't tried to minister to each other without Him...How we've not known Him the way we can...experienced  God so much more.

"I don't believe God wants me (or any of His children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world's perspective, a way I know I can "manage."  I believe He is calling me-- and all of us-- to depend on Him for living in a way that cannot be mimicked or forged. He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He's given us." p. 142-3

We don't depend on God in our lives. We love being comfortable.

"I know that I tend to run from situations where i need God, and I think that is true of almost everyone of us. It is safer to avoid situations where we need God to come through than to stake it all on Him and risk God's silence" (p. 149)

"Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the "Helper" or "Comforter" Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience the Comforter is our lives are already comfortable?" (p. 107)
If you've read any of my posts you know  I struggle with that so much. But lately...the ways God has allowed me to know Him as I've finally let my fingers ease off the death grip I had on my life...I'm desiring to be more and more uncomfortable if only I can know Him more.
And as I know Him more, guess what, I'm getting more and more jealous for His glory. Jealous for HIS NAME TO BE LIFTED HIGH.
We've misrepresented God. I've misrepresented God. and it breaks my heart. I'm tired of it. We make Him look small. We make Him look unworthy of all of our lives. We make Him look so weak to the world. We don't love each other- we don't love the body of Christ. We don't love the lost. And we allow other religions, other gods to look stronger than our God. ugh.
I'm reading 1Kings...and I got the chapter 18 and how I desire vs. 39 in my life:
 And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, "The Lord, He is God; the Lord, He is God." 1 Kings 18:39


That's what I desire. For my life to be unexplainable- so extraordinary that people know that it can ONLY be God- that He is glorious, worthy to be known.
And I know that is not my life right now. A lot of my life can be explained, can be attributed to my own strength- oh how I want people to only see my life and know that all I am is because of God...


"Do you exhibit more kindness and faithfulness than the Mormons you know? Do you have more self control than your Muslim Friends? More peace than Buddhists? More joy than Atheists? If GOD truly lives in you, shouldn't you expect to be different from everyone else?" (p. 146)




I'll throw our one more book recommendation- but its a very rare find, but if you can find it- its a treasure- it's called The Names of God by Dr. William Allan Dean. It's literally a study on each of the names of God in scripture and its incredible. But it's from 1961 and like impossible to find- but I do have two copies at my house after searching the internet desperately...but if you somehow come across this book buy every copy. I love learning more about God Himself. His names. Who He is. He is Jehovah Jireh- the Lord my provider. He knows all my needs and will provide for them...
but will I let Him???

I had better write this post for posterity's sake before I forget every amazing thing God did that week because I'm already forgetting the better half of it.

So, literally, I ran to my devotion spot on Monday morning with my green micro-fleece blanket, mug of coffee, Bible and journal my friend Becky brought me back from Italy. Now, you need to understand, that there is this magical river that runs right along the camp that we call the "Mystic River" and if you walk across this long rickety bridge you are basically on this enchanted island and usually no one else thinks to cross the river and so I'm basically over there all by myself, well, and with God. Part of the island slopes down to this beach area and the roots have formed almost like steps and I have so many memories of running there to meet with God and praise Him for what He was doing in my life at Coatesville. Every year for the past five years (save my tenth grade year when I was in Hungary for the summer) I would wake up when the bell rang for devos and head over with my pile of stuff and hike over the bridge and plop down against this one tree and spend an hour with God. So I would say that five times seven is thirty five multiplied by one hour is 35 hours...35 hours of God time in this spot- give or take a few and add some for Prayer Retreats the past few years. So to me this is a very special spot. God did amazing things in my heart while I was sitting there. He brought me to places of surrender I could never have brought myself. He changed my heart for people around me. He captivated me, right there- in that spot.
And so when I practically flailed myself there on the ground on Monday morning I literally felt like I was breathing a breath of fresh air after two very exhausting and hard years (i kind of didn't count last years Coatesville because I was working in the kitchen and really didn't get a chance to come out to my spot much).
And do you know the first thing God spoke to my heart? He basically came out and said that I cannot trust in Coatesville. I cannot trust in this spot. Because they are going to fail me. And He didn't stop there. Basically, He reminded me that as much as this spot seemed the same as it ever did from the very curve of the root of the tree to the bend in the brook below me, it was not going to last. Things weren't the same. My life wasn't the same. My friends would fail me- have failed me (though maybe not intentionally). My family would and does fail me. Mike and Brian (our youth pastors) would fail me. People who were there weren't even the same. I would never sit on the basketball court staring at the stars with my friends again. I would never have all of my friends praying together in the chapel again. Rob (our old youth pastor) wouldn't ever be there like he'd been before. Even Mrs. Petock wasn't at Coatesville and she had been there every single year for the past who knows how many years. Demetria, my old Coatesville kid, was too old, she wouldn't be back.
Everything had changed. And for a second, I was overwhelmed. Consumed. But then...God reminded me of Malachi 3:6- "I am the LORD, I do not change, therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob."
Wow.
And then I knew- God would never fail me. God will never change. He is the only one I can count on.
And what a good promise. What a needed promise.

So you can imagine what a great week after a start like that!
Did I mention that the evening before I had this amazing, cute, godly, saintly, elderly couple promise they would be praying for me that week? Praying for me????!!!!! So cool, isn't it?

SO kid's club was amazing. God totally showed his sovereignty in it through the weather. Yeah, we were getting a ton of rain. But this is how it would work- Day 1- Kid's show up, sunny skies, kid's enter chapel for worship- rain literally pours from the sky, we end up doing a very extended worship chapel, head out for skits under pavilion, rain stops, kids play in beautiful sunshine. Amazing, huh? That's how it would go all week, raining only at the perfect times- except Friday it rained for our last hour with the kids but it worked out because they all huddled under the pavilion and we all got to hang out together and really say goodbye. It was sooo amazing.
Now, you need to understand- the kids were amazing this year. Usually it is like us trying to constantly keep them focused- but they totally were so receptive to the skits (which we literally just Bible stories acted out- starting in Genesis to the resurrection of Jesus) and they understood and were able to reciprocate the lessons in the skit back to us- it was sooo cool! Honestly, such a blessed week with the kids!

So, we personally we studying the life of Joseph in the mornings- and honestly- just read those chapters over and study them. God did such amazing things in Joseph's life- in all of his suffering, and if you read the chapter where he meets up with his brothers again and just read over and over the verses about his crying and having to leave the room because of the emotion you will know that that man suffered. But God did such an amazing work in his life and through his life- influencing the whole world because of his obedience to God and knowing that it was God who was doing the work in his life and not some mistake or because his brother's were jerks. And so I couldn't stop thinking about the verse in Isaiah-"Behold, It was for my welfare that I had great bitterness; but in love You have delivered my life from the pit of destructions, for You have cast all my sins behind my back." Isaiah 38:17. LIke I really believe Joseph could have said that those verses were his heart too- God had a reason for all of the bitterness, the pain, the suffering in his life- and it was for his welfare! And God literally delivered his life from the pit of destruction!!!

Also, I was really hurting during my time at Coatesville because of something someone had said to me- but I just kept clinging to 1 John 4- that God's perfect love casts out my fear. Because it really does. I had never understood how much God loved me until I saw failing love- and then I understood the vastness (or part of the vastness) of how amazing it is that GOd can love me unfailingly and faithfully and abundantly and unconditionally!
I was also struggling with forgiveness toward that person though. It wasn't that I was having trouble with being angry or bitter- I was just hurt. It literally felt like a wound was open. But I wasn't mad- I was just in a lot of pain, but I was kind of blaming myself because that's what I do. So I kind of never have to forgive people because I just pass the blame onto myself- but I was reading through Joseph's life and how important it was for when he saw his brother's again that he had already forgiven them. ANd I knew that I needed to consciously forgive if I ever wanted to heal- and so I think it's something I'm still learning.

Then there was communion on Saturday night. And Mikey got up and was praying for us for things- and honestly, the two things I needed prayer for but didn't realize that I needed prayer for he had us stand up for- One was to have a united heart, and the second was to be filled with the Holy Spirit afresh- and honesly, I had never been at the place where I really felt that everything that needed to be surrendered for surrendered until that point- and it was the most amazing revelation- because it wasn't like it was anything I had done in my strength- I had fought with God over so many things over the years that I needed to cling to but to stand in that chapel where I had literally wrestled with God and to see that He had got the victory was honestly the most amazing feeling.
"Now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God, our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen." Jude 24-25

So, to sum up the week was amazing.
Now if you can pray that Surf Camp will be equally amazing I would much appreciate it- also, please pray that the waves won't be insane- we're supposed to be getting waves from Hurricane Bill or something but that would really stink for teaching the kids- so pray that they would be great beginner waves...

Today is a splendid day. It is snowing. I know- crazy! It's autumn! I mean, we usually don't get any snow until at least after Christmas. And yet. It is snowing. And the Phillies are going to win the World series (which i keep mistakingly calling the "home series" much to my families amusement- also, my brother tricked me into thinking there were 12 innings in the "home series" and I looked very stupid and was the butt of my familie's joke as I pridefully told my sister how I always knew there were 12 innings...well, they were waiting for me to be surprised when the game ended- with the phillie's obviously winning- after 9 innings...too bad it was delayed by the rain and they revealed thier little trick to me!)