A Life After Death

Emilee's home sans an appendix. Praise the Lord! I'll update about that later. I need to go to bed cause I'm a working girl and have to drive 45 minutes to work tomorrow morning! But I didn't want to let today pass without acknowledging that 4 years ago today my life changed forever. My grandpop (by the grace of God)left a ventilator hospital for heaven and it became official that I was grandmom's full time caregiver till death do us part. And that's what happened. The Lord is good. I started this blog four years ago and I was a differnet person than I was today. The Lord is so good and able to change us. I'm so thankful.

Well, we made it almost a year without any hospital visits...and we broke that streak today! And we broke it with the longest ER visit ever- over 8 hours...ugh! Anyway, we actually kind of planned our ER visit, if that makes any sense. You see, grandmom just hasn't been herself all month and I've been planning on just taking her up to the hospital to get her all checked out, and life finally slowed down enough for us to actually do that...so how do you call a non-emergency into 911...you just kind of make stuff up- which worked and I think everything we made up ended up being true-
Predictions- low sodium or bladder infection
Diagnosis- low sodium AND bladder infection. Her heart enzyme things were also up but that could have been because of her pacemaker...also her eye has been gooky and red all month so they're gonna check that out too!
so it ended up being a success, but it just took a long time to get her a room up there tonight.

Anyway- crazy ER story of the night. Around hour 4 I went out to use the bathroom. I come out and I see a patient in a bed in the hallway (they were super busy which equals patients in beds in hallways) and her husband next to her...Would you believe that it was my grandmom's neighbor in the nursing home from a year ago (that i mentioned here)????!!! Anyway, I'd really gotten to be friends with this elderly woman, ended up finding out she goes to church with one of my small groups girls, and we wrote back and forth until I lost her address last summer. (I had sent her a copy of some old German lullaby she'd been looking for that I found on the internet). So imagine my surprise when I walked out of the bathroom and saw her. I ran into our room and told my mom and than spied on them for the next few hours till they got their own room upstairs. Anyway, I didn't want to bother her while she was in the emergency room so I'm going to visit her tomorrow when I go up to see grandmom. I mean, what are the odds that they would both be in the same hospital, in the same ER room, in the same section of the ER ward, and in the same hallway??? There are no odds, and I wonder why the Lord has continued to cross our paths...we'll see.

Anyway, I'm wiped- I'll update later about ESL (but it literally went incredible!!! The Lord is sooo good!) and I'll update any new info about gmom later (she's already perked up a ton from the sodium and fluids they put in her- thankfully!)

God just is letting this woman keep living. goodness! But it's been great so far- well other than the mini heart attack and all that jazz (maybe she just likes chilling in the ICU?) and we're getting back into the swing of things, and God is ever faithful and providing all I need for every day.
There are certain things I said I would never be able to do in regards to grandmom *cough*poopiediaper*cough* but do you know what- I did not have to do those things before, so I didn't have the strength, and now I have to do those things and just at the very moment when I need the strength the most, God provides. Kind of like Corrie ten Boom's story of her father and the train ticket...something like that.
And sometimes I think I'm doing such a great job (when really it's literally just God doing everything and me walking alongside of Him with a little yoke around my neck!) and I get all proud and then God let's me try to do it and I totally fail within the first ten seconds and I remember that it really truly is all of Him. It's like when I was younger and would watch my siblings in the daycare before school. Jesse was probably like 2 and sometimes we would walk around the sanctuary in the morning pushing his stroller. And we'd tilt it and push it together, but really it was all me and I would let him think he was doing something. Then he would get really mad and try to make me leave so he could do it all himself. and I'd let go, and of course he could not do it on his own and would get frustrated and then I'd help again. It was funny, but really that's how it is with us and God.
Jesus said, "Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." matt 11:28-30 and it's true

I think my dear friend Julianne may be hinting for me to update while she's away in Idaho...or Montana now I guess- and so for her sake alone shall I update about my very very exciting life...

So the Germans relatives came back about four weeks ago now for a three weeks visit.
a few days before they arrive- gmom looks horrible and I think she's having a heart attack- we go to the E.R. and her sodium is just low- so they pump her up. Bobby the nurse hooks her up with some soup. SHe basically loves him.
Germans Arrive:
Day 1- Grandmom falls carrying snapple bottles. Sore arm follows.
Day 2-Grandmom wakes up with a face about the size of Canada. Eyes swollen shut. Vision blurred. A couple hours later swelling subsides...attributed to raspberry intake the prior evening.
Day 3- Germans head off to Niagra Falls.
Somewhere around Day 4-5ish...grandmom passes out and my cousin Phil and I call an ambulance- hospital visit for a few days
Day 7- Germans return with flat tire. Stay for dinner and head to NJ to begin trip to FLorida
Day ...um 10ish...Memorial Day- grandmom falls in bathroom and breaks ribs- throwing up- spend night in E.R....trauma section...I read all of Pancho Jaurez's biography...returns home next morning
Day 14- 15ish...maybe even 16ish...Grandmom complains of chest pain- E.R. trip again- attribute pain to ribs....but we spend another few days in the hospital- Her COPD has flaired up and maybe a slight case of Pneuomonia- they work on getting the fluid out of her lungs...
Day19- She comes home and Germans arrive and they left the other day...thankfully- wooh, that's over


She came home in a wheelchair but is now starting to be able to walk and dress and bathe herself again- Thank God!
They were talking to us at the hospital about hospice...

I'm so surprised that that actually upset me. I'm the first one to tell you that if Grandmom is ready to die than that's really okay with me- I mean, I don't want her to get worse and suffer and to see her dementia progress. ANd I always thought that I'd be totally cool with her dying because I know she's going to be with the Lord and her husband and I"m confident in her salvation...
but when I had doctors telling me she is going to die- I was like- what?
But when she's in the hospital they don't see what I see. They see a lunatic trying to shop at BJ's in the middle of the night in her hospital bed. THey see her coughing and on oxygen...
but within two days of coming home she's up and speaking German to her brother and bossing me around and flirting with everyone...
So I really think there is this conspiracy to kill off old people in the hospitals- I mean, all of a sudden- her primary insurance becomes Medicare and they think that it's time to stop treating her?
This woman wants to keep living for another 20-30 years- and who am I to say she doesn't have that right?
And I am not in denial- if she dies, she dies, but I am not putting her on hospice care so that they will stop treating her illnesses and only treat symptoms if she is still able to live.
And she's not suffering- if she was that would be a different story. SHe's happy as a horse- and her hair is curled and her lipstick's on.
SO I guess all this is to say...I guess I'm going to kind of miss the annoying old lady when she's gone- we live it up here in L-horne...even if we don't have the "freestyle cashflow" that she told the social worker that she needs...and I still need her wise words of wisdom like "you should beat Jeremiah up because he's a pain in the butt"- I mean, what if she wasn't around to tell me that?


All right- on another note, the ground hog family living under the shed is eating my garden and I am angry- so I"m off to throw some cayenne pepper on the ground and to beat them up
wish me luck
;)

So, as of late, my grandmom is in the hospital with pneomonia- but i think she'll be fine. I love going to the hospital- I just feel great there- but I will never be a nurse. I would loathe that job and God bless the people who are nurses- just...ew. Andre the nurse was so amiable and patient as my grandmom described her bowel movement to him, what kind of people are these nurses anyway?! honestly- but hanging out there- I could do that. My favorite part is a lot of them don't realize that my grandmom is crazy- but...they catch on pretty fast. The therapist asked me yesterday "does your grandmom do her own bills?" I laughed- this was her kind way of asking if my grandmom wasn't all put together "up there." My favorite is "does your grandmom live alone?" Laugh out loud.
I'm starting to know St. Mary's Medical center like I know Calvary- I just don't clean there...yet! ha. Just kidding- who knows what kind of disgusting body fluids I would have to clean up! But i was there from 10-4 yesterday- so the nurses all wanted to be my best friends.

So the other day we made sugar cookies! mmmm. I bought fall cookie cutters at Target and we made turkey shapes and leaf shapes and ghost and bat and pumpkin and acorns!!!!!! It was sooo much fun. And then we decorated them. Too bad my grandmom was falling asleep like the entire time (this was Friday-the night before she went in the hospital- her pulse-ox levels were low), but when she went in the hospital the next day, I thought, well, if she dies today than she had a wonderful last night- drinking tea and decorating cookies with her grandkids- ha! is that morbid?

All right- I'm off to embrace fall and go to Trader Joe's and buy Brie cheese and heat it up and put Mango Chutney on top and almond slivers and eat it with crackers...mmmm...oh and clean up this house! yikes.

And I'm so excited for Thanksgiving since I didn't have Thanksgiving last year :( I know! alas. But it will be grand!

Is it wrong to laugh in the E.R.??? I always wonder that after I've let out a long, hearty (and always loud...my laugh is never not!) one. I mean, my mom and I love the free nestle machines...and Take 5's...mmmmm...I enjoyed a latte and a mocha this evening...and I even introduced a new-bee to the ways of the E.R. waiting room to the pleasures within. I mean, let's share the freedom (get it...pun on the free...hahahahah) of the delicious hot cocoa and coffee!

Alas...somehow I always end up at the hospital or in some other lame predicament after a really good day or weekend or something. I think it's because God gives us what we can handle, and He's also so faithful to provide a fresh filling or a fresh blessing or a fresh reminder of His goodness and power and strength...and then we do this crazy thing where we say, "God, I trust you with my life and do what you will..." which is often followed by Him doing what He will...and His ways are sooo much higher and His thoughts are above Mine own...Thank God (literally!)

So I had the most amazing Tues- Wednesday down at the shore (Jersey!! woo hoo!) with my friend Julianne visiting one of our wonderful woman mentors, Mrs. Teichman, aka Regis's mom...which is really funny because i was friends with Regis's mom before I was friends with Regis. They have a trailer down the shore and we spent the night/day/night fellowshipping with believers from Calvary Chapel Southern Ocean County (which was recently had a pastoral change to- guess who? Mark, a pastor from Calvary York!)and chilling on the beach (or burning on the beach...whichever) and learning to surf (i know- could you ever picture me even trying that...trying was definitely the word...or drowning...whichever! -I'm feeling a little unabsolutist today with my "whichevers") and being totally blessed in the Word and in prayer and in food and in fellowship (we went to a fellowship at one family's home who run a Surf Camp every summer as a ministry- they're the ones who taught us how to surf. They have a Wednesday Night Bible Study which is led by none other than Chad Reeves, my CCBCY peer...and it is such a totally blessed fellowship).

And so coming home, God really gave me new energy to keep going. And boy do I always need it.

So today my grandmom fell in her bedroom (tripped over the carpet) and so after awhile she was in a lot of pain. My mom and I decided to take her up to the E.R. to get her checked out. They think that her rotary cuff may be torn and we'll find out from the orthopedic doctor with a follow up. You always just end up having to wait 5 hours to find that all out... I know...ha!

So they sent her home in a corset wrap sling thing (like, it velcroes around her waist and then velcroes her arm in place there). I'm thankful it was her left arm and not her right. I was just thinking about how thankful I was that my grandmom was basically physically in 100% better shape than she was in January when she came home. When she first got home we had to help her do absolutely everything and we had a neighbor who was a nurse who helped us bathe her in bed and everything. And literally she went from being in absolute agony, not able to move without being carried into a wheelchair to now being basically almost off a cane...well, she was till she went and tripped and hurt her arm! I was all excited about her being able to do her own poop test (well...for the most part-ha!), and now she's in pain all over the place...back to dressing her and helping her in the bathroom.

I just look back and God gave me just such an amazing amount of grace to be able to have the stomach to do so much of what I had to do in January, February, March, because literally, I have the weakest stomach on earth and poopy diapers gross me out and smells make me literally gag at the thought of them...and now the Lord is giving me a different amount of grace in the form of love for my grandmom even when my stomach is weak and it grosses me out...It really was not hard to do what I was doing in the beginning...now it's different, and I'm scared, but I just thank God that He gave me Tues- Weds away to get new strength for what lays ahead, whatever that is...

Oh, and P.S.
In the hospital they always ask the elderly if they live alone. Well, there she is crying to them about how she's all alone...and we are like- No you aren't!!!! She's got nine other people living with her! Goodness...I have to admit that I was annoyed, but my mom and I were also cracking up...I'm sure the whole hospital staff thought we were inconsiderate and abusive laughing at a little old lady lying with a neck brace and sling laying in a hospital bed...
oh she's so deceptive with her sweetness- ha!!!!



Rom 5:1-8
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.


Colossians 1:10-11
That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;
Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;

James 1:2-4
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
Knowing [this], that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have [her] perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

My grandmom loves chocolate. That's one of the things I came to discover when I moved down with her. First off, we quickly discovered a hoard of chocolate in her closet in her room. My grandpop was a diabetic, so he certainly wasn't going to be helping her to eat all of it. And that hoard of chocolate disappeared a lot faster than you would expect chocolate to disappear from a 78 year old woman's closet, without the help of the seven grandkids.