So my friends up at the Camp at Old Mill finally got back to me (it was the Lord's timing) about me staying up there for a few days to pray and seek the Lord about what is next for me. To be honest, there's a part of me that is excited, and a part of me that is terrified. I'm unplugging. No laptop. No ipod. No TV. No friends, family, pastors (though I will have my cell with me). Just me and God. Which sounds really great until I start to question- will He meet with me? What if I have a panic attack? What if I hear nothing from Him? What if He does say something to me (and it's something hard...)? What if He tells me to keep waiting (how long can I actually be still!)? And the list goes on and on...and yeah, these are some of things that were going through my mind last night as I tried to sleep...and couldn't. I just was having a lot of anxiety about allowing God to be my one source- allowing everything else to dry up. 


Here are some things that have been my comfort:

You have said, “Seek my face.”My heart says to you,“Your face, Lord, do I seek.” Psalm 27:8

The Lord is the one who pursued me. He initiated the whole relationship we have to begin with. He's the one telling me to be still, to get alone, to wait. My response is only to seek Him with all the strength He provides. I'm responsible for that part of it- everything else is on Him. And He's the one who is faithful to begin with. Why do I doubt His faithfulness and ability. Another comfort is the rest of that Psalm and how it kind of sounds like David is kind of having trouble hearing from the Lord in it- asking the Lord not to hide from him, forsake him,turn away from him(9), and the face that the encouragement David ends the Psalm with is:

"Wait for the Lord;be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (14). 

He knows that our inclination is to just get discouraged when we're seeking the Lord. That sometimes things don't feel or even look like the Lord is helping us, or answering us, or even there for us. But We're to wait for the Lord.

And "be strong, and let your heart take courage" reminds me of Joshua 1:9- "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. oDo not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”" My comfort- The Lord is with me. The same comfort I had in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. "Thou art with me." 

He's a Good Shepherd. "For His name's sake" does He lead me in paths of righteousness. 
And I know that no matter what happens these next few days- "He's a very present help"- my refuge is in Him. My shelter. My fortress. And I know these words mean there's trouble. I know sometimes He leads us into the wilderness. I know there's a war going on and a battle. But He is my refuge. He is righteous. He is victorious. He is able. He is mighty. He is Stronger. He is sufficient. I am none of those things and so I will hide myself In Him. 


Anyway, just some thoughts before I go up there tonight (I'll probably be back this weekend). Please pray for me. I'm pretty certain the panic and anxiety are gonna try to hang around- but I know where to go with them. I think they actually stir me to my knees more than anything else and that's probably why the Lord lets them hang around. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God,and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7.